A nightmare come true

My life is over. Officially, absolutely over. OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My high schools years are done, finito~! I will never have a first kiss or even a boyfriend until I'm like 30!!!! MY WORST NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE! THE ABSOLUTE WORST!
Oh no it's fine, the apocolypse is said to happen at the beginning of my last year no worries..... UGH! WHY CAN'T THE WORLD END SOONER!
Alright I'll just get it out. Ty is not moving schools. He is not moving away, he just moved down the f*cking STREET!!! AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM TILL THE END OF HIGH SCHOOL! I STILL LOVE HIM DESPITE THE FACT WE HAVE GONE MORE THAN 7 MONTHS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND HE IS NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS MY BEST FRIEND (still)!!!!!!
Oh god I don't know what to do. I was as happy as ever to know he was moving. Because when he was gone I no longer had to think about him, or beat myself up for ruining EVERYTHING! I was going to Michigan after he moved across the state, I was going to forget all about him over the summer as I found a guy in Michigan who's like my cousin's friend or something and share that wonderful summer love (Narra: <- " I know what a fantasy, right. By the way I am back [narrator in the back of Hikari's mind]"), WITHOUT TY! But look who decided to stick around and ruin my life for the rest of my high school years. Just looking at him still haunts me. And i was just starting to think he was hot when i looked at him because he grew his hair out to the way it looked two summers ago. Oh god everyone, WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?! I'll never get a boyfriend, he is still going to hang around and I'll still have to think how I ruined everything and if I didn't we probably would still be happily and hopelessly inlove (if we ever were, I know I was) and how I can't have a boyfriend when I love Ty! (Narra: yes, she feels she has to turn down every guy because she still likes Ty. Ty doesn't even know she exists.)

I know I seem like I'm overreacting but this has been my worse nightmare forever and I am mortified, furious, and plain out feel-like-i-just-got-shot-in-the-head.
Going to drum to try to calm down,

Hikari

P.S. be happy and be online, for this means I'm going to be posting a lot again.

The Waves continue, but this little sailboat ain't givin' up!

Well this will probably be one of my last few posts, if I don't post with joy/absolute sadness when Ty leaves whenever this time. Hopefully when he does I will be out of town (spending the first part of my summer on the other side of the country with family and hopefully trying to find someone else to love tee hee)and I hope he doesn't even tell me when he's leaving. I hope I never see his no good eyes staring at me ever again if I go down near his town (which i do quite often) and I hope I never have to hear from him again. I know it sounds coldhearted and all and I will say I still love him more than anything and I've tried and tried to forget about him and all those times, oh my god when I think of them they seem to make themselves so big, so important, so wonderful. But I wish I could forget those and I have to face reality and know I can't.

And my heart is stupid. My heart doesn't realize he chiseled all the way through a long time ago, that he is not the same Ty. My heart is stupid because it doesn't realize that the guy with the million girlfriends and who suddenly became Mr. Popular, who doesn't reply to my "hi"s or smiles, who is so self-centered and low, the one who peers at me with eyes that are cold and lifeless, is not the same Ty I knew. And never will be. My heart is stubborn. So damn stubborn, that is a new quality I don't like about myself, I'm just so stubborn I can't let something go and I keep striving to get it even though-sadly to say- it is impossible. At least my head has cleared that up and now it's just love vs. logic. Logic tells me its not worth it and I know that, my heart is just so stubborn and thick!

Please leave sooner than I notice so I don't have to hear your laugh, your girlfriends chatting on about your greatness, and to see those dark eyes of yours. So I still have 71 days of seeing you until you are out of my life. ADIOS! And till then I will keep you all updated on how many days this storm will rage on, hoping that it'll pass by quicker than it is.
Hikari

P.S. Randomly I am actually listening to a song that the chorus is
"...I wanna get over you
But you're everywhere
And I just can't get away
I gotta get over you
Cause it's just not fair
That I still see your face

I heard your name today
I walked away
Cause everyone's still talking
I dont need that in my life
Got better things to do
Than worry about you
Im gonna keep on walking
But sometimes I don't know why

Well we had a good time
But time goes on..."

P.S.S. Will miss all of you!!! (but that doesn't mean we still can't talk ;P, check ICQ)