Alright well yes I still like him. And yes he dumped the mystery girl for Melissa. I don't know my hatred for him shall cast over my like for him and I think I'll be able to handle him until he moves. God, he is just so arrogant. I will still type and even though I don't like him as much as I used to I will say I just want to yell at him. And I'm not even the "give the yelling to the guy that broke the never-really-an-ex-girlfriend's heart" kind of person but for now that's how I feel, I'd have the guts I know I would. And I was talking to my friend and I always wondered why she never really cared about liking someone or going out with someone and I realized after reading some writing, she really just hates most guys. Cause most guys are just stuck up and think they are amazing and that they can get a girlfriend and dump her all willy-nilly. We are friends with a few guys but most of them don't have girlfriends or at least don't dump them after a month, and they're the first to realize that there is no point in using a girl like a disposable tissue. I think that's why we accept them. But for now I think I'm going to have to deal with the fact that Ty has joined the majority of guys who use girls like tissues and are off in their own "high and mighty world". (and it also seems he is doing that to most of his friends as well but I'm not going to bother getting information on that)
Maybe I'll try to start liking the guy I liked before Ty. We had known each other for like 10 years and I just saw him a week ago for the first time in three years and him and his parents were the same as always. He is polite, and very smart (after we got out of our international school he went into a very elite, expensive private school, so he's very grandiose) and just very nice to be around, and he has manners thank god. I mean yeah like polar opposite from Ty. Although I think I have some curse, all guys I like or used to like all started playing the drums.... like me. Back last year when Ty still liked me he started playing, there is this hot underclassmen I play with in the school jazz band (drums) but he has too many girls and I'm not gonna bother cause he's and underclassmen but he's just good looking (and taller, I'm really short trust me), and now the guy I used to like for so long picked it up not too long ago. Haha awkward right?
Well headin out for the city today to do some shopping at some cool vintage boutiques.
Taking votes on when Ty will dump Melissa. I've got mid-January.
Miss you all,
Hikari
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Maybe Someday But Never Today
Well, I know you were all dreading this. It's really hard to write even. I'm giving up. Actually no, I'm TRYING to give him up. Yes, Ty. At first, when he "went out" with Favi I was fine, I thought it was just like y'know, not that big of a deal. When he dumped her because he liked TWO girls instead of paying attention to the fact he broke some nice girl's heart because she wasn't good enough anymore, I just worried about if one of the girls was me. Now after never talking to him, being out of his life ENTIRELY, I just beat myself more. I got so friggin close to becoming an anorexic just cause I thought it was all my fault that he wouldn't go out with me.
Then a week ago, I'm walking out of gym and there he is, surrounded by girls I DON'T KNOW, hugging one and all her friends laughing and people walking past and whistling and telling him he should hook up with her. I was in shock and that had ruined my day (no I didn't eat). I asked around to the friends of that girl (since she was the only one I knew) and they said:
"Well, all I know is that Ty already has a girlfriend but he likes Mel (the girl he was hugging that I know) but he doesn't want to dump his girlfriend for her. And all Mel's friends want to go out with Ty and want Mel to go out with Ty."
Once again, all this in one day I thought I was going to vomit. I wanted to vomit. I felt like shit. Writing this now is making me feel like shit, but I shall continue.
I was furious and jealous and sad all at the same time. He was like every low guy and girl in the school that just skips around and never comits to anything. THey just go out for a month (sometimes less) and then dump them because they don't like them anymore or they're are boring when usually the girl/boyfriend actually tried to hang out and the guy/girl who didn't care and ignored him/her and then blamed it on her by saying "I don't like you anymore" or "we never talk" and he/she dumps them. I have always, always, ALWAYS hated this soooooooo much and I could never,ever handle that which is why I never have but I have seen it repeated over time and time again. Which is why I have hated so many guys for trying to go out with me for I know they would do that. But Ty. TY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! He was never like this. He was never arrogant or threw away girls like they're dispossable. He never would do that. Would he? Or has I been cast under his spell all this time that he would have done it to me as well? Are all guys the same after a while?
So the one thing I know. No not that love sucks. I know I can't give up love cause then I would go into major "anti-love" mode and probably be some spinster frump for the rest of my life and never get out of some deep of depression. And plus you guys would come all the way over here and kick my @$$. But I know I need to forget him, cause obviously Ty forgot me a way long ago. I'm never getting him back anytime soon. And he's moving away in June. If I ever fall inlove with him again it will be if he moves back to Chicago (his hometown) where he loves and where I know I'm going (not because he likes it, I have always liked it and I have family there and my top choice for college is over there) when I do, but other than that he'll never like me as long as he's under 18, it's impossible. So I should forget him too or else I'm going to be a mess and beat myself up for not ever being able to date him.
No matter how much I hate him for being so cruel, no matter how much I wanna punch him and yell at him for manipulating my mind to the point where he takes it over and wipes out any sign of joy, motivation, and independence without even knowing I exhist.... I still can't get over him. That's my biggest problem that I all need you to help me with. My friends on Sora Scans tell me to just find a new guy to like but even if I try that I still can't get the Ty-that-enrages-me-so-much out of my head. I just need a way to get over him , to know that I don't need him.
Little insert:
Ever since I came under his spell I really never was myself, I changed completely and it was like I had 3 sometimes more voices in my head, all argueing with each other. They told me what to do and what not to do and it wasn't me... telling me what to do. Even in situations where Ty had nothing to do with it, they were there, and I hated them. They were like multi-personas, who wants that when all they do is disagree!?
So how do I get rid of this drug that Ty is? How do I quit? How do i accept the fact I'm giving up? I will say I am never happy about it, giving up or losing Ty, but its for the sake of myself, i can't keep doing this to myself. I think that's what's so hard, giving something up when you swore you would never give up again (i used to give up all the time) and give up something you love.
Well asking for help. Sorry to dissapoint you all, it's been rough,
Hikari
Then a week ago, I'm walking out of gym and there he is, surrounded by girls I DON'T KNOW, hugging one and all her friends laughing and people walking past and whistling and telling him he should hook up with her. I was in shock and that had ruined my day (no I didn't eat). I asked around to the friends of that girl (since she was the only one I knew) and they said:
"Well, all I know is that Ty already has a girlfriend but he likes Mel (the girl he was hugging that I know) but he doesn't want to dump his girlfriend for her. And all Mel's friends want to go out with Ty and want Mel to go out with Ty."
Once again, all this in one day I thought I was going to vomit. I wanted to vomit. I felt like shit. Writing this now is making me feel like shit, but I shall continue.
I was furious and jealous and sad all at the same time. He was like every low guy and girl in the school that just skips around and never comits to anything. THey just go out for a month (sometimes less) and then dump them because they don't like them anymore or they're are boring when usually the girl/boyfriend actually tried to hang out and the guy/girl who didn't care and ignored him/her and then blamed it on her by saying "I don't like you anymore" or "we never talk" and he/she dumps them. I have always, always, ALWAYS hated this soooooooo much and I could never,ever handle that which is why I never have but I have seen it repeated over time and time again. Which is why I have hated so many guys for trying to go out with me for I know they would do that. But Ty. TY FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! He was never like this. He was never arrogant or threw away girls like they're dispossable. He never would do that. Would he? Or has I been cast under his spell all this time that he would have done it to me as well? Are all guys the same after a while?
So the one thing I know. No not that love sucks. I know I can't give up love cause then I would go into major "anti-love" mode and probably be some spinster frump for the rest of my life and never get out of some deep of depression. And plus you guys would come all the way over here and kick my @$$. But I know I need to forget him, cause obviously Ty forgot me a way long ago. I'm never getting him back anytime soon. And he's moving away in June. If I ever fall inlove with him again it will be if he moves back to Chicago (his hometown) where he loves and where I know I'm going (not because he likes it, I have always liked it and I have family there and my top choice for college is over there) when I do, but other than that he'll never like me as long as he's under 18, it's impossible. So I should forget him too or else I'm going to be a mess and beat myself up for not ever being able to date him.
No matter how much I hate him for being so cruel, no matter how much I wanna punch him and yell at him for manipulating my mind to the point where he takes it over and wipes out any sign of joy, motivation, and independence without even knowing I exhist.... I still can't get over him. That's my biggest problem that I all need you to help me with. My friends on Sora Scans tell me to just find a new guy to like but even if I try that I still can't get the Ty-that-enrages-me-so-much out of my head. I just need a way to get over him , to know that I don't need him.
Little insert:
Ever since I came under his spell I really never was myself, I changed completely and it was like I had 3 sometimes more voices in my head, all argueing with each other. They told me what to do and what not to do and it wasn't me... telling me what to do. Even in situations where Ty had nothing to do with it, they were there, and I hated them. They were like multi-personas, who wants that when all they do is disagree!?
So how do I get rid of this drug that Ty is? How do I quit? How do i accept the fact I'm giving up? I will say I am never happy about it, giving up or losing Ty, but its for the sake of myself, i can't keep doing this to myself. I think that's what's so hard, giving something up when you swore you would never give up again (i used to give up all the time) and give up something you love.
Well asking for help. Sorry to dissapoint you all, it's been rough,
Hikari
Friday, November 21, 2008
How to Start Over (that would be a good song title)
Ok well I know Cleo you are probably crying now I haven't been on in so long. I guess it really has taken its toll. But it has just been awkward, yknow? (and busy!) anyway, we're having break for a week so hopefully that'll give me time to try to wrap my head around my life. But I don't do you even want to hear about Ty? Do you even care anymore? Does anyone?
... Well I can't really say much. We put each other in a position of "break". We didn't have a fight, nothing happened really (well maybe Craz but she wasn't a big contributer [note she doesn't talk to either of us now]) but we just took a break from existence so to speak. It started when i started to ignore him purposefully for a week to see what would happen which resulted in a habit of ignoring and then he did the same thing. And that's the thing we're not upset at each other, we don't not want to talk. We just don't know what to say. It's like whatever comes out of either of our mouths will be totally wierd. Loss for words much, right?
Like today/yesterday, I'll be hanging out with some friends and he'll come up to talk and they'll give him hugs and say hi and then im the last one and we kinda just glance at each other really quick and then just forget. We don't even say hi. I think telepathically we do but we just can't actually squeeze it out. It's just like a break in time that we both happen to skip over.
And if i was smart and posted a few weeks ago, I said i was going to take a break from worrying so much about Ty but it seems now i have and haven't. I don't worry about him as much anymore but he was gone all week because of sickness then I got sick and I had to go to school for the last hour for a test and then he showed up and I looked him right in the eye and I about fainted. I think it was cause I had a high fever I all of a sudden overreacted cause i didn't expect him to be there but the next day I was fine. But just awkward things like that just kind of stump us both.... at least it LOOKS like he thinks the same... I don't know. I can't ask. Just wierd.
But he did get WoW back and invited me to play which was like the first time he had talked to me in like.... 6 weeks? it was a happy 5 min and 20 words but hey, he talked to me :D. He didn't forget me. He asked ME to play WoW with him :D. I dont know that makes me feel special, as long as I am not forgotten. My one dilemma is trying to figure out how to get out of this "break" that kind of dug its way into both our lives.
Miss you all, especially you Cleo,
Hikari
P.S. Cleo I have my rough for that drawing I said I would do for you eons ago
P.S.S. Tell Tokomi about me if you can if she even cares anymore since I know she doesn't really come on.
P.S.S.S. I'm thinking of changing my layout again....
... Well I can't really say much. We put each other in a position of "break". We didn't have a fight, nothing happened really (well maybe Craz but she wasn't a big contributer [note she doesn't talk to either of us now]) but we just took a break from existence so to speak. It started when i started to ignore him purposefully for a week to see what would happen which resulted in a habit of ignoring and then he did the same thing. And that's the thing we're not upset at each other, we don't not want to talk. We just don't know what to say. It's like whatever comes out of either of our mouths will be totally wierd. Loss for words much, right?
Like today/yesterday, I'll be hanging out with some friends and he'll come up to talk and they'll give him hugs and say hi and then im the last one and we kinda just glance at each other really quick and then just forget. We don't even say hi. I think telepathically we do but we just can't actually squeeze it out. It's just like a break in time that we both happen to skip over.
And if i was smart and posted a few weeks ago, I said i was going to take a break from worrying so much about Ty but it seems now i have and haven't. I don't worry about him as much anymore but he was gone all week because of sickness then I got sick and I had to go to school for the last hour for a test and then he showed up and I looked him right in the eye and I about fainted. I think it was cause I had a high fever I all of a sudden overreacted cause i didn't expect him to be there but the next day I was fine. But just awkward things like that just kind of stump us both.... at least it LOOKS like he thinks the same... I don't know. I can't ask. Just wierd.
But he did get WoW back and invited me to play which was like the first time he had talked to me in like.... 6 weeks? it was a happy 5 min and 20 words but hey, he talked to me :D. He didn't forget me. He asked ME to play WoW with him :D. I dont know that makes me feel special, as long as I am not forgotten. My one dilemma is trying to figure out how to get out of this "break" that kind of dug its way into both our lives.
Miss you all, especially you Cleo,
Hikari
P.S. Cleo I have my rough for that drawing I said I would do for you eons ago
P.S.S. Tell Tokomi about me if you can if she even cares anymore since I know she doesn't really come on.
P.S.S.S. I'm thinking of changing my layout again....
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Short leave to Italia!
Well indeed yes I will be gone the next couple days to go on vacation in Italia, searching for delectable food, the true local side of Napoli, and of course, hot Italian guys ;P! So i will be keeping another blog going ( http://slice-o-bread.livejournal.com ) that you are welcome to comment on, I'll try to post everyday since I'm not bringing my computer for the first time ever and I need to use an internet cafe in or nearby the hotel. But a quick Ty update:
Well it's been kinda rough and I guess I was kind of an idiot about him breaking up with Favi for..... he broke up with her like a month ago.... around the time he started ignoring me. So now i feel like a bit of an idiot but I still remain caught in the labyrinth. I've been beating myself up all week, thinking if I should just give up because I kept being all negative and telling myself there was little hope. But thank god thank god thank god someone was there to help me out. I talked to Hun and just by a few simple words he switched my whole mood and thought around! I don't know how he does it but he has a gift even if he barely ever talks. So i hadn't talked to Hun much either but he is pretty much the only guy I actually feel totally safe around, just cause I don't know, he makes me not worry so much. So i told him that I was terribly sorry for ignoring everyone as well and if he still wanted me to. I do agree I was worrying too much about annoying them and annoying Ty. But he said that they really liked having me around and that they'd wish I'd come and walk with them again and not to worry. He just makes me soo happy <3! So now I'm able to smile with courage and I barely think badly about myself anymore ^^. I still worry about whether or not Ty likes me but I'm going to keep smiling and hopefully it'll become easier and easier to be around him. I was able to talk to him without thinking so much today. It felt good.
Well wish me luck in Italia please stay intouch!
Making her way graciously through that labyrinth,
Lovestruck Hikari
P.S. I'll be in Germany (munich the time in [16th] and Frankfurt [26th] on the way out). I won't see you guys but at least I'll feel close, ne? ^^
Well it's been kinda rough and I guess I was kind of an idiot about him breaking up with Favi for..... he broke up with her like a month ago.... around the time he started ignoring me. So now i feel like a bit of an idiot but I still remain caught in the labyrinth. I've been beating myself up all week, thinking if I should just give up because I kept being all negative and telling myself there was little hope. But thank god thank god thank god someone was there to help me out. I talked to Hun and just by a few simple words he switched my whole mood and thought around! I don't know how he does it but he has a gift even if he barely ever talks. So i hadn't talked to Hun much either but he is pretty much the only guy I actually feel totally safe around, just cause I don't know, he makes me not worry so much. So i told him that I was terribly sorry for ignoring everyone as well and if he still wanted me to. I do agree I was worrying too much about annoying them and annoying Ty. But he said that they really liked having me around and that they'd wish I'd come and walk with them again and not to worry. He just makes me soo happy <3! So now I'm able to smile with courage and I barely think badly about myself anymore ^^. I still worry about whether or not Ty likes me but I'm going to keep smiling and hopefully it'll become easier and easier to be around him. I was able to talk to him without thinking so much today. It felt good.
Well wish me luck in Italia please stay intouch!
Making her way graciously through that labyrinth,
Lovestruck Hikari
P.S. I'll be in Germany (munich the time in [16th] and Frankfurt [26th] on the way out). I won't see you guys but at least I'll feel close, ne? ^^
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Knocking at my loudest
ok quick post. he hasn't recieved the message i think yet because i havent said hi and thus the previous message doesnt show up. But now after much contemplation im going to do it and make sure he knows. My heart is beating so fast >_<
PLEASE LET ME IN TY! Please....
With hope (and a slight head cold),
Hikari
P.S. He did seem worried about me yesterday and he gave me a starry gaze (at least maybe i viewed it wrong since im so inlove with him) today, kya! WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!
PLEASE LET ME IN TY! Please....
With hope (and a slight head cold),
Hikari
P.S. He did seem worried about me yesterday and he gave me a starry gaze (at least maybe i viewed it wrong since im so inlove with him) today, kya! WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
I've reached the doors at the city of love, it's his turn to decide to let me in. Yup I told him! :D
Yup. Indeed i told him. He hasn't found the message yet, but i told him how i feel. Totally direct, no hints or anything. I feel really good now, carefree and relieved that i got it over with it. And even though i'm scared for the response (and he is still going out with Favi which is also a problem that may get in the way) i'm not going to let it bother me. It'll be painful to take rejection but if i can send a note like the one i did then I can handle a rejection! *pride*
I sent the note
("Hey i know this is kinda sudden but i just wanted to say i still really like you. And i know we dont talk much anymore but i just wanted you to know since it's been on my mind since last summer. have a good night then (or whatever time of day it is) and maybe i'll see you around if you're still willing to talk to me.") late last night while he was offline so he will get it whenever he signs into MSN. I'm not going to hide, i will hear what he has to say. But last time i sent something while he was offline he didn't receive it for a week. So he may recieve it today, or he may recieve it a week from now, who knows. But as long as i don't worry myself so hard anymore I think i'll be safe from beating myself up inside. Plus my RPG forum supporters all told me to look up and that that there is a 4/5 chance he'll accept, i have my doubts on that but it still makes me happy to hear.
But a couple things aside since i actually can't really think of what else to say to such a great event:
1. If you haven't noticed i changed my avatar, the girl looks a lot like me my friends tell me and she is also my 2nd favorite manga character. The guy on the right is the main character of the manga who coincidently has black hair (like Ty) and is a popular pairing with my fave character there ^^
2. ok this is kinda lame but my friend did thise little test/thingy where they choose random things and even though its different answers everytime i actually ended up with being together with Ty in the end which really surprised me cause i didn't even choose the options on who i would be with and i didn't even know she knew i actually remotely thought about Ty. And we also coincidently ended up in Chicago which is both are favorite city and i have a high chance of going to because of college that is interested in me and vice versa. So it was kinda odd.
3. I have plenty of people i want to thank for helping me with everything:
- Everyone on the SB (karin, omni, Hollow, burned, seawolf, knight, and many many more)
-Vampire-zombie on dA (once again i hope you feel better too)
- And most of all, all of you that first helped me so many months ago, Cleo, Tokomi, and Carrie. THANK YOU ALL >o< !!!!!!
Oh my gosh, he just signed in *heart beating at a million miles a minute, seriously*
Knocking and knocking on the door,
Hikari
I sent the note
("Hey i know this is kinda sudden but i just wanted to say i still really like you. And i know we dont talk much anymore but i just wanted you to know since it's been on my mind since last summer. have a good night then (or whatever time of day it is) and maybe i'll see you around if you're still willing to talk to me.") late last night while he was offline so he will get it whenever he signs into MSN. I'm not going to hide, i will hear what he has to say. But last time i sent something while he was offline he didn't receive it for a week. So he may recieve it today, or he may recieve it a week from now, who knows. But as long as i don't worry myself so hard anymore I think i'll be safe from beating myself up inside. Plus my RPG forum supporters all told me to look up and that that there is a 4/5 chance he'll accept, i have my doubts on that but it still makes me happy to hear.
But a couple things aside since i actually can't really think of what else to say to such a great event:
1. If you haven't noticed i changed my avatar, the girl looks a lot like me my friends tell me and she is also my 2nd favorite manga character. The guy on the right is the main character of the manga who coincidently has black hair (like Ty) and is a popular pairing with my fave character there ^^
2. ok this is kinda lame but my friend did thise little test/thingy where they choose random things and even though its different answers everytime i actually ended up with being together with Ty in the end which really surprised me cause i didn't even choose the options on who i would be with and i didn't even know she knew i actually remotely thought about Ty. And we also coincidently ended up in Chicago which is both are favorite city and i have a high chance of going to because of college that is interested in me and vice versa. So it was kinda odd.
3. I have plenty of people i want to thank for helping me with everything:
- Everyone on the SB (karin, omni, Hollow, burned, seawolf, knight, and many many more)
-Vampire-zombie on dA (once again i hope you feel better too)
- And most of all, all of you that first helped me so many months ago, Cleo, Tokomi, and Carrie. THANK YOU ALL >o< !!!!!!
Oh my gosh, he just signed in *heart beating at a million miles a minute, seriously*
Knocking and knocking on the door,
Hikari
Friday, October 3, 2008
The more support the more he seems to slip away
Well i know it's been a while and i really do feel bad that i haven't written in so long. I've been feeling horrible, both because of Ty and school. Its kinda stressful but i guess it's kinda my fault he isn't talking to me. Its cause im such a coward and can barely look at him, and i realized why he stopped sending the *kiss* messages in march and everything. I went over some of his old blog entries ( a private blog on MSN) and i had critized him so much. I didn't mean to, but now it seems as if everyone thinks i am in love with my best friend, Travis, WHICH IM NOT. Ty and Craz still hang out and i think i'm the one holding the grudge now. Craz doesn't bother me anymore but it seems now i'm acting like her and it's horrible! Now im the one that can't tolerate her! This autumn change plan isn't starting out too good for me. I seem to be changing in the wrong ways, being even more scared of Ty, ignoring him thus he ignores me. I need to tell him, only a few more months and he'll be moving (i walked past his house the other day and there was a "For Sale" sign, i thought i was going to cry right on his driveway but i walked past as fast as i could). It's not good i really need help!
But it seems, plus to all of you guys i have a Role playing circle of friends that are helping me as well, and also a friend on deviantART who is going through a similiar situation (i want to deticate this to you and tell you i really send my regards vampire-zombie). So it seems even though i have many people rooting for me telling me I just need to go up and tell him directly and to have courage i'm letting all of you down which makes me feel horrible. I need to get to a point where i can forget all of that and just go up and be totally direct, but of course im nervous around him, i have a HUGE fear of rejection, and many others. Why do i always make everything so difficult!? I dont know what to do, if only he COULD read this.... Maybe he would understand how i felt even though i can't tell him.
I will not cry but i am now searching for courage as i struggle to keep up a steady pace on the road to love,
Hikari
P.S. By the way the anklet i had been fixing over the past two years broke once again but with all the bad things that have been happening i don't know if i should put it on again or not. Maybe all this luck and such is all hooey and useless. I'm totally unsure.
But it seems, plus to all of you guys i have a Role playing circle of friends that are helping me as well, and also a friend on deviantART who is going through a similiar situation (i want to deticate this to you and tell you i really send my regards vampire-zombie). So it seems even though i have many people rooting for me telling me I just need to go up and tell him directly and to have courage i'm letting all of you down which makes me feel horrible. I need to get to a point where i can forget all of that and just go up and be totally direct, but of course im nervous around him, i have a HUGE fear of rejection, and many others. Why do i always make everything so difficult!? I dont know what to do, if only he COULD read this.... Maybe he would understand how i felt even though i can't tell him.
I will not cry but i am now searching for courage as i struggle to keep up a steady pace on the road to love,
Hikari
P.S. By the way the anklet i had been fixing over the past two years broke once again but with all the bad things that have been happening i don't know if i should put it on again or not. Maybe all this luck and such is all hooey and useless. I'm totally unsure.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The Road is Missing!?
OK quickie cause I gotta get to school:
Well I think this is a case of give people the advice I should take myself. Had a total meltdown yesterday, but like really really bad. I think it was the fact that I was PMSing as well as my mind is trying to get me to think things and my mom is saying I just have multiple personalities. Hell ya i do and i can't get all these friggin voices out of my head! So now it seems as if I'm just having Ty being the center of all my problems (and puberty) so I'm really getting at myself (e.g. in only 20 min i went from total selfish, whiny smart a** to crying wreck saying I hate myself to completly normal and wanting to do something to anxiety and heavy breathing and freaking out over myself and then crying wreck again..... really annoying). So now im normal I think cause i went to bed at like 8. Didn't eat. Didn't do anything. Just crashed. And i woke up really early (as you can see i'm writing this entry in the morning here) to do my homework. I haven't gone to bed that early in........ eons. It's amazing. But i feel better now.
I just think the problem is, I wonder if Ty realizes more than i think he does. Cause remember i did that experiment 2 weeks ago? Well now it's almost like he's giving it back to me. I'm sending him plenty of txts and stuff but he's not answering me and I'm trying really hard to smile all the time but when he won't even acknowledge me how can I? This is worrying me. Plus i never got to talking with Craz but now she's acting like she wants to be best friends with me, it's REALLY wierd. She hasn't hassled me and I haven't heard her go on and on on lies (although she still talks to obnoxiously) but now she's just plain annoying. And it doesn't seem Ty is talking to EITHER of us. WHAT IS GOING ON!? Well gotta go, got school in an hour and i still reak of chlorine from the pool last night.
The road is missing!?
Hikari
Another song I think explains how I feel, Sunkissed by iLo:
"He's got a nice sounding name like an O' Holliday
And if you share with me the old times
I'm sure we could lay awake a while
There's a thousand year heat wave
Smoking my head
And if the sun could kiss a new day
I'm sure that we would stay in bed a while
Don't stop breathing if you're stuck in a well
There's a hole in the sky and you're stuck in a shell
But the ground that you're standing on belongs to you
Like a bubble or a bee all things go up and down
Don't forget to look up at the sky
At the stars, and the trees, and the moon and the night
Don't forget that tomorrow is a brand new day
Like a bubble or a bird all things go up and down..."
Well I think this is a case of give people the advice I should take myself. Had a total meltdown yesterday, but like really really bad. I think it was the fact that I was PMSing as well as my mind is trying to get me to think things and my mom is saying I just have multiple personalities. Hell ya i do and i can't get all these friggin voices out of my head! So now it seems as if I'm just having Ty being the center of all my problems (and puberty) so I'm really getting at myself (e.g. in only 20 min i went from total selfish, whiny smart a** to crying wreck saying I hate myself to completly normal and wanting to do something to anxiety and heavy breathing and freaking out over myself and then crying wreck again..... really annoying). So now im normal I think cause i went to bed at like 8. Didn't eat. Didn't do anything. Just crashed. And i woke up really early (as you can see i'm writing this entry in the morning here) to do my homework. I haven't gone to bed that early in........ eons. It's amazing. But i feel better now.
I just think the problem is, I wonder if Ty realizes more than i think he does. Cause remember i did that experiment 2 weeks ago? Well now it's almost like he's giving it back to me. I'm sending him plenty of txts and stuff but he's not answering me and I'm trying really hard to smile all the time but when he won't even acknowledge me how can I? This is worrying me. Plus i never got to talking with Craz but now she's acting like she wants to be best friends with me, it's REALLY wierd. She hasn't hassled me and I haven't heard her go on and on on lies (although she still talks to obnoxiously) but now she's just plain annoying. And it doesn't seem Ty is talking to EITHER of us. WHAT IS GOING ON!? Well gotta go, got school in an hour and i still reak of chlorine from the pool last night.
The road is missing!?
Hikari
Another song I think explains how I feel, Sunkissed by iLo:
"He's got a nice sounding name like an O' Holliday
And if you share with me the old times
I'm sure we could lay awake a while
There's a thousand year heat wave
Smoking my head
And if the sun could kiss a new day
I'm sure that we would stay in bed a while
Don't stop breathing if you're stuck in a well
There's a hole in the sky and you're stuck in a shell
But the ground that you're standing on belongs to you
Like a bubble or a bee all things go up and down
Don't forget to look up at the sky
At the stars, and the trees, and the moon and the night
Don't forget that tomorrow is a brand new day
Like a bubble or a bird all things go up and down..."
Friday, September 19, 2008
The Preparation for the Great Battle
Who thought this road could have such a battlefield in the middle of it? And of course I can't get past to the City of Love until this great battle is over. I guess life is never easy is it.
Whelp i should've seen this coming but i guess for once i didn't. I know i haven't written in a while but now i do have something to write on. A battle. And i bet you can guess with who. Yup, Craz. Basically, all our friends really want us to stop hating each other and they said that we don't have to be friends but we just can't hate each other anymore. And of course I'm not going to get any closer to being with Ty unless I overcome Craz. So i must fight until I can continue and get near Ty again. Both Craz and I know we are going to have to figure this out I just hope that she realizes this is a battlefield of just the two of us. No army and no friends. I don't know what i'm going to do if she brings someone like Ty into it but for now i won't focus on that. But i wished we could settle this peacefully and easily from the start but after plenty of times of trying to do that, that is no longer possible. It won't be good but at least we'll try to keep this civil.... I hope. Here are some examples of me trying to settle this peacefully:
1st Fight
Time: April-ish
Communication: Direct, IM
On: Her attitude
I was still friends with her but she didn't like me being friends with others so she always lied about me saying mean things to her and telling people i hated her when infact I still sat with her and talked to her all the time and didn't even remotely hate her. I confronted her by sucking up and that pretty much got me nowhere. After that was when i found out she lied about everything and that she had been telling bad stuff about me behind MY back. (i know! the dreaded soap opera i hoped i'd never run into when i switched over to hanging out with guys two years ago. GUESS NOT!)
2nd Time
Time: Early summer
Communication: IM
On: Lying, Attitude, Friends, Care
Probably the biggest fight we have had, this one was over instant messenger and lasted probably around 4-5 hours! This was about her lying, self-obsession, gossiping, and overall personality issues. The funny part is that first she started out like it was my fault then went on about excuses then went to that i was an idiot and then she had a problem and she told me it was my responsibility as a "friend" to solve other people's problem (in this case her's ) then to the conclusion that all her unhappiness is all my fault and i'm the worst person and im the person that got her all screwed up and im just jealous and that I just try to ruin her life for fun (which i definetly am not and don't!). So as you can see she pretty much did a circle arguement which i now because my dad does the same thing (starts out saying one thing then argues their way over to the opposite opinion by the end of an arguement and totally confusing you and telling you it's all your fault and you are stupid even though by the end you share the same opinion and just don't know it, yes i know VERY manipulative.)
1. My fault, I don't pay enough attention to her, I don't "worship" her
2. She accepts she has a problem but i'm the person that's supposed to help her because I'm her "best friend" and I need to fix all her personal problems
3. A big mini arguement about her lying, which she STILL denies even though i have full proof and she has been banned from deviantART for art theft more than 5 times! Imitation: "Oh no i drew this! These people just copied me!" ya right! it is so noticeable its art theft idiot!
4. Another big mini arguement on her hypocracy and how she always puts down people and is mean even though she does the same thing. She still does this an also won't admit it. She blames it on me and says im the hypocrite and everything, when im not cause i stick to my word. And also calling me negative when she was talking about how screwed her life is and she is so emo two hours earlier and i was the one trying to cheer her up then and then i hated her by the end of the arguement.
5. I caused all her unhappiness, I'm just jealous of her so i try to ruin her life and make her look bad
So ya after that arguement i blocked her cause she started calling REALLY bad names and using the F-word A LOT even though she yells at everyone for just saying sh*t but now she like cusses alllll theee timmmeee!
3rd Time
Time: Early September
Communication: Direct, infront of Ty
On: Lying, Her attitude, her manipulation, her rumors/gossip, taking my friends, controlling others, her "i'm god do whatever i tell you" outlook
Ok I don't think i talked to anyone about this except Cleo. Basically I was walking to school and I saw Ty and Craz walking together so i waited and started walking with them. Immedialty Craz says: "We don't you walking with us go find your own friends since you seem so pre-occupied with me". i shot back and we faught the whole way to school. Everything i told her she was doing to me and all the things about her lying and such, she would rebuttel and say that's what i did. Ty didn't come in between us and he turned his iPod up super high so he couldn't here us. But she acted as if Ty was her piece of property and still does and she kept saying i was the negative one who is self-concious and talking smack about her and is just jealous because she can draw better than me which 1) she cant 2) i could care less cause im not too big on drawing anymore, its not even a hobby. i just do it when i am bored so i don't care who's better anymore anyway! I was totally pissed that whole day. And this was also after i told Ty about her lying and he didn't believe me. I don't really know now if he still thinks im jealous of her (which for the final time i will make clear I AM NOT JEALOUS AND I HAVE NO REASON TO BE CAUSE I DON'T WANT OR NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE AND AM PERFECTLY HAPPY [except of course Ty but he doesn't have to do with Craz in that way]). So then i did an experiment a week ago where i completly ignored Ty and would see if he would ask why i was. He didn't ask the whole week but it was kinda funny cause when Craz saw i wasn't paying attention to Ty she didn't bother to talk to him much either. And she really is jealous of me i think because she's like questioning me and because ive done French for 8 years now she's trying to learn French and trying to speak it to people and get them to think she is part French along with British, Australian, Japanese, Scottish, and many many other nationalities even though she is morman from Utah who's last name i believe is either Irish or British. Wow she really is screwed up.
So now here i am and everyone is sick of us two keeping everyone out of line so i need to start this battle soon or this hell is going to continue. What i need from you guys is all this weekend im going to be working up strategies and things i need to avoid when getting into this hopefully final arguement that ends in a way we both agree with and it doesn't happen again. I'm asking only a few other friends and my wise mother but i have all weekend to brainstorm. I'll probably try to talk to her next week and try to settle this also since next week is a 4-day week. So how should i confront her? What do you suggest i: start out with, try to avoid, try to fix and how to do it peacefully? Stuff like that! Please everyone help and maybe even have others try to help, any advice is good advice!!!
And Cleo talked about how she wantes to change and how autumn is only a few days away it is the perfect time to change. I think if i can get through this battle successfully i can use that as my start to change. Change with Craz. Change with my friends. Change in myself. And Change with Ty.
please help so i can get to the road that lay beyond the battlefield,
Hikari
P.S. sorry if i sound needy or pathetic i just really need help especially from all you: Carrie, Cleo, and tokomi! I just want to settle this so i can get on with my life
Whelp i should've seen this coming but i guess for once i didn't. I know i haven't written in a while but now i do have something to write on. A battle. And i bet you can guess with who. Yup, Craz. Basically, all our friends really want us to stop hating each other and they said that we don't have to be friends but we just can't hate each other anymore. And of course I'm not going to get any closer to being with Ty unless I overcome Craz. So i must fight until I can continue and get near Ty again. Both Craz and I know we are going to have to figure this out I just hope that she realizes this is a battlefield of just the two of us. No army and no friends. I don't know what i'm going to do if she brings someone like Ty into it but for now i won't focus on that. But i wished we could settle this peacefully and easily from the start but after plenty of times of trying to do that, that is no longer possible. It won't be good but at least we'll try to keep this civil.... I hope. Here are some examples of me trying to settle this peacefully:
1st Fight
Time: April-ish
Communication: Direct, IM
On: Her attitude
I was still friends with her but she didn't like me being friends with others so she always lied about me saying mean things to her and telling people i hated her when infact I still sat with her and talked to her all the time and didn't even remotely hate her. I confronted her by sucking up and that pretty much got me nowhere. After that was when i found out she lied about everything and that she had been telling bad stuff about me behind MY back. (i know! the dreaded soap opera i hoped i'd never run into when i switched over to hanging out with guys two years ago. GUESS NOT!)
2nd Time
Time: Early summer
Communication: IM
On: Lying, Attitude, Friends, Care
Probably the biggest fight we have had, this one was over instant messenger and lasted probably around 4-5 hours! This was about her lying, self-obsession, gossiping, and overall personality issues. The funny part is that first she started out like it was my fault then went on about excuses then went to that i was an idiot and then she had a problem and she told me it was my responsibility as a "friend" to solve other people's problem (in this case her's ) then to the conclusion that all her unhappiness is all my fault and i'm the worst person and im the person that got her all screwed up and im just jealous and that I just try to ruin her life for fun (which i definetly am not and don't!). So as you can see she pretty much did a circle arguement which i now because my dad does the same thing (starts out saying one thing then argues their way over to the opposite opinion by the end of an arguement and totally confusing you and telling you it's all your fault and you are stupid even though by the end you share the same opinion and just don't know it, yes i know VERY manipulative.)
1. My fault, I don't pay enough attention to her, I don't "worship" her
2. She accepts she has a problem but i'm the person that's supposed to help her because I'm her "best friend" and I need to fix all her personal problems
3. A big mini arguement about her lying, which she STILL denies even though i have full proof and she has been banned from deviantART for art theft more than 5 times! Imitation: "Oh no i drew this! These people just copied me!" ya right! it is so noticeable its art theft idiot!
4. Another big mini arguement on her hypocracy and how she always puts down people and is mean even though she does the same thing. She still does this an also won't admit it. She blames it on me and says im the hypocrite and everything, when im not cause i stick to my word. And also calling me negative when she was talking about how screwed her life is and she is so emo two hours earlier and i was the one trying to cheer her up then and then i hated her by the end of the arguement.
5. I caused all her unhappiness, I'm just jealous of her so i try to ruin her life and make her look bad
So ya after that arguement i blocked her cause she started calling REALLY bad names and using the F-word A LOT even though she yells at everyone for just saying sh*t but now she like cusses alllll theee timmmeee!
3rd Time
Time: Early September
Communication: Direct, infront of Ty
On: Lying, Her attitude, her manipulation, her rumors/gossip, taking my friends, controlling others, her "i'm god do whatever i tell you" outlook
Ok I don't think i talked to anyone about this except Cleo. Basically I was walking to school and I saw Ty and Craz walking together so i waited and started walking with them. Immedialty Craz says: "We don't you walking with us go find your own friends since you seem so pre-occupied with me". i shot back and we faught the whole way to school. Everything i told her she was doing to me and all the things about her lying and such, she would rebuttel and say that's what i did. Ty didn't come in between us and he turned his iPod up super high so he couldn't here us. But she acted as if Ty was her piece of property and still does and she kept saying i was the negative one who is self-concious and talking smack about her and is just jealous because she can draw better than me which 1) she cant 2) i could care less cause im not too big on drawing anymore, its not even a hobby. i just do it when i am bored so i don't care who's better anymore anyway! I was totally pissed that whole day. And this was also after i told Ty about her lying and he didn't believe me. I don't really know now if he still thinks im jealous of her (which for the final time i will make clear I AM NOT JEALOUS AND I HAVE NO REASON TO BE CAUSE I DON'T WANT OR NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE AND AM PERFECTLY HAPPY [except of course Ty but he doesn't have to do with Craz in that way]). So then i did an experiment a week ago where i completly ignored Ty and would see if he would ask why i was. He didn't ask the whole week but it was kinda funny cause when Craz saw i wasn't paying attention to Ty she didn't bother to talk to him much either. And she really is jealous of me i think because she's like questioning me and because ive done French for 8 years now she's trying to learn French and trying to speak it to people and get them to think she is part French along with British, Australian, Japanese, Scottish, and many many other nationalities even though she is morman from Utah who's last name i believe is either Irish or British. Wow she really is screwed up.
So now here i am and everyone is sick of us two keeping everyone out of line so i need to start this battle soon or this hell is going to continue. What i need from you guys is all this weekend im going to be working up strategies and things i need to avoid when getting into this hopefully final arguement that ends in a way we both agree with and it doesn't happen again. I'm asking only a few other friends and my wise mother but i have all weekend to brainstorm. I'll probably try to talk to her next week and try to settle this also since next week is a 4-day week. So how should i confront her? What do you suggest i: start out with, try to avoid, try to fix and how to do it peacefully? Stuff like that! Please everyone help and maybe even have others try to help, any advice is good advice!!!
And Cleo talked about how she wantes to change and how autumn is only a few days away it is the perfect time to change. I think if i can get through this battle successfully i can use that as my start to change. Change with Craz. Change with my friends. Change in myself. And Change with Ty.
please help so i can get to the road that lay beyond the battlefield,
Hikari
P.S. sorry if i sound needy or pathetic i just really need help especially from all you: Carrie, Cleo, and tokomi! I just want to settle this so i can get on with my life
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Black Pavement Tears of Happiness and Sadness and plenty others
Ok well good and bad news i guess. I really don't need to explain what has happened the days before yesterday but long story short, i just seem to be one day happy with the way Ty treats me and then the next day im mad again. Well i guess mostly at Craz. For example yesterday, I come and sit down next to Ty and across from Craz at lunch. Immediatly Craz moves to the table next to us, Ty moves with her. GRAH ITS SO INFURIATING!?!!? And i don't know why he still believes her and does whatever she asks cause she's kinda treating him like crap. Problem is this all started cause i broke it to Ty on friday, that Craz lied. I'm not sure he believed me. He seems to hate me more now but he doesn't hate me, he just doesn't like to be in the middle of this and so far he's gonna side with Craz, of course im not happy about this. But to relieve everyone Favi did come back so now Ty does feel a lot better (Craz doesn't know Favi so she never was entered into the depression of the people who did).(i wrote this yesterday).
But then after that he messaged me and brought up the Craz topic. I always have known she hated herself, problem is she won't change it which is why i won't deal with her anymore. Ty just realizes this and wants me to help her to stop lying and i told him no. I told him that i have already tried and she just refuses so she's got fix it on her own. Ty still doesn't know what to do, he's still following her all over. But he said he was sorry for all the ignoring and i took that to be pretty sincere. *red* God he's hot.... OK TOTALLY RANDOM BACK ON TOPIC *turns off picture of him on cell phone*!
So now he said he wouldn't believe her as much and wait to see what happened with her. I really hope she can get herself together without involving Ty and everyone but the chances of that are slim. He said he might have to keep trying to ignore me even though he doesn't want to and will try his best but Craz will take advantage of him talking to me. She has already come up with plenty of rumors which sadly lots of people believe. I told Ty it wasn't true, i think some of he knows is a lie and others he believes sadly. How could he believe her more than me when he has known me WAY longer!? This makes no sense to me. But she said i call her a whore (definetly didn't i dont call anyone that!!!), im jealous of her (i have nothing to be jealous of, she has nothing especially nothing I need), and she even judged me and Ty. She was asking why we were even friends!? She said because we have "nothing in common". SO WHAT!? God i wanna punch her. So basically it ended with an agreement and a lie on my part.
Ty said the one thing he didn't understand about me was why i always critized him. Bullseye. At the beginning of the year i made a list of the things i wanted to change about myself and the amount of critizism i give was one of them. I haven't been too good at stopping that. Of course it is joking critizism and i would never MEAN it but i guess most people take it seriously and now i REALLY wanna cry (yay im PMSing! Wait thats a bad thing. but maybe it might help me cry?). And i think about it now and i dont like it when people do it to me cause i ALWAYS take it seriously. So why do i do it? And then when he asked the reason it was a moment where i though, what if i do it cause i like him? I think he might have gotten the idea and i almost blurted it out then i came up with i dont know but i was so close, you should have seen me i was flipping out. So i tried to minimize and try my best to stop but i already critized a few people and i did apologive (none of them were Ty, i wasn't able to talk to him again cause of Craz) but i feel really bad. But people also hate when i apologive cause i get a little OVER-apologetic. So im trying to minimize my sorries too. Please help me with this although i don't know how.
The lie was that i'd be tough. He asked what i felt about him ignoring him, i said i felt kinda hurt but that i could handle it and that i was tough enough. I'm not. I'm crying on the inside and i wanna punch Craz for fooling him with such lies. Please help me come up with a plan where i can get rid of her nasty lies once and for all. I need to figure out how i can do it sneeky and without people knowing but not ruining her. She can keep her friends i just want her to stop lying. I know this is helping her which is what i said i WOULDN'T do but does it count if i can benefit from it??? Well we'll have to see. Long comments are appreciated.
@Cleo, I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Please read my comment on your latest entry that'll explain my happiness for you.
@Tokomi: When are ya's gonna post something new? we're missing you *snifl*
Hugs to you all, remember looooong comments!
Tears of happiness and sadness onto that black pavement,
Hopeful Hikari
But then after that he messaged me and brought up the Craz topic. I always have known she hated herself, problem is she won't change it which is why i won't deal with her anymore. Ty just realizes this and wants me to help her to stop lying and i told him no. I told him that i have already tried and she just refuses so she's got fix it on her own. Ty still doesn't know what to do, he's still following her all over. But he said he was sorry for all the ignoring and i took that to be pretty sincere. *red* God he's hot.... OK TOTALLY RANDOM BACK ON TOPIC *turns off picture of him on cell phone*!
So now he said he wouldn't believe her as much and wait to see what happened with her. I really hope she can get herself together without involving Ty and everyone but the chances of that are slim. He said he might have to keep trying to ignore me even though he doesn't want to and will try his best but Craz will take advantage of him talking to me. She has already come up with plenty of rumors which sadly lots of people believe. I told Ty it wasn't true, i think some of he knows is a lie and others he believes sadly. How could he believe her more than me when he has known me WAY longer!? This makes no sense to me. But she said i call her a whore (definetly didn't i dont call anyone that!!!), im jealous of her (i have nothing to be jealous of, she has nothing especially nothing I need), and she even judged me and Ty. She was asking why we were even friends!? She said because we have "nothing in common". SO WHAT!? God i wanna punch her. So basically it ended with an agreement and a lie on my part.
Ty said the one thing he didn't understand about me was why i always critized him. Bullseye. At the beginning of the year i made a list of the things i wanted to change about myself and the amount of critizism i give was one of them. I haven't been too good at stopping that. Of course it is joking critizism and i would never MEAN it but i guess most people take it seriously and now i REALLY wanna cry (yay im PMSing! Wait thats a bad thing. but maybe it might help me cry?). And i think about it now and i dont like it when people do it to me cause i ALWAYS take it seriously. So why do i do it? And then when he asked the reason it was a moment where i though, what if i do it cause i like him? I think he might have gotten the idea and i almost blurted it out then i came up with i dont know but i was so close, you should have seen me i was flipping out. So i tried to minimize and try my best to stop but i already critized a few people and i did apologive (none of them were Ty, i wasn't able to talk to him again cause of Craz) but i feel really bad. But people also hate when i apologive cause i get a little OVER-apologetic. So im trying to minimize my sorries too. Please help me with this although i don't know how.
The lie was that i'd be tough. He asked what i felt about him ignoring him, i said i felt kinda hurt but that i could handle it and that i was tough enough. I'm not. I'm crying on the inside and i wanna punch Craz for fooling him with such lies. Please help me come up with a plan where i can get rid of her nasty lies once and for all. I need to figure out how i can do it sneeky and without people knowing but not ruining her. She can keep her friends i just want her to stop lying. I know this is helping her which is what i said i WOULDN'T do but does it count if i can benefit from it??? Well we'll have to see. Long comments are appreciated.
@Cleo, I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Please read my comment on your latest entry that'll explain my happiness for you.
@Tokomi: When are ya's gonna post something new? we're missing you *snifl*
Hugs to you all, remember looooong comments!
Tears of happiness and sadness onto that black pavement,
Hopeful Hikari
Monday, August 25, 2008
Why?
OK i am on my rec center's (training facility) computer so i cant really post anything much so for now i have to ask. Why? I am in shock. Favi left. She didn't die but she's gone. A family matter this weekend happened and now her mom took her and left to go as far away as possible, like to another state. She's gone just like that. Everyone is shredded. She's never gonna come back. No one can even contact her. I wanna cry but im too tough. I was on the verge but i still can't cry about it. Everyone else did anyway, including Ty. I was mad cause he wouldnt even look at me today and then when i found out why i wanted to barf. I feel terrible. I still haven't talked to him today and i'd rather not bring her up. I'm gonna go swim and see if i feel better than i'll post the last couple days when i get home.
Wants to break down and cry on the road,
Hikari
Wants to break down and cry on the road,
Hikari
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Mixed Emotions in a bubbling pot but still I'm able to crack a smile if i need to
I'm kinda in a mix of emotions at the moment. I just got home from school and i'm miffed and angry, but also sad and want to cry, but then i feel just a little relieved and proud and happy, thanks to you guys. No Craz didn't do much wrong im mostly mad at Ty/Craz and sad at Ty at the same time but im also proud of myself for what i did. No i did not confess, but today i was happy that 1. school was over (i was walking to the door to go home) and 2. I didnt have lots of homework so i could work on this blog and go through my 600 photographs i have taken over the last 3 days (O_o a pain yes...).
So then Ty came out looking really happy and such so it made me happy, i was also with Hun. But soon after we started walking Ty stopped said he was going to wait for Craz. I just told him not to worry about her and she'd catch up anyway even though i didnt want her to. But no he still waited for her and i kept walking. I was happy cause at least Hun agreed with me and he walked with me. Hun never talks in person, he's too shy, that's why we always chat and ramble online so of course we just walked next to us and i just turned my iPod up really loud so i couldn't hear Craz's loud voice 6 meters behind us. She and Ty walked the same distance away for us and i never heard if they called for us but i am mad at him for choosing her over me although i was still kept some pride and said that i would not walk with her thus i gave him up just this once, i was not willing to lose.
He did seem more distant to me then ever and i did feel as if i may had taken an appearance of a stuck up person but im not afraid to show who i really am and so i just kept walking, not with my head high but at least some with some "pride" you could say, or confidence in myself. Ty is on right now but i won't talk to him, i'm tryin to think on what i could say that would show that i was hurt at what he did.
But you guys were the ones that lifted me up. Talking about everything on those comments did make me crack a smile and i still feel hurt but at least a little more controlled and peaceful. So thank you everyone, i think im gonna finish this new layout im making and also a picture i drew today in french of me kinda feeling the way i am now, clenching love as i view it. Hope you like it.
Oh and concerning Alana, i dont really mind her i realize she might be trying to hit on Ty but she is still dating Ty and i think she is just trying to act like him since he is the upperclassmen. I can tell she's trying to look cooler as an underclassmen by cussing and trying to fit in and i applaud her for her efforts but i think she'll get tired of him after long, plus her friends don't seem to care for us much. The great thing is that the fact i called Craz annoying and stuff didnt seem to bother or get around too many people since plenty of our shared friends know i wouldn't do something such as whatever she mentioned and only one person asked me about it, im pretty comfortable with it. She did not look at me today, nor talk to me, and kept her distance, and she didn't even sit at our table so her voice was a far way's away and Ty stayed and talked with us, which was wonderful. If only Ty hadnt been so stubborn and walked with us then she would haven't tried to catch up because i was there. But maybe another day, i gotta hint something. JUst a small something to show i really love him. I can't keep going on like this cause i am getting nowhere. I'm not falling away without him and im not getting closer, im kinda just sitting. So please help me out with that but although i am having mixed emotions i still feel thankful in a wierd way.
Side story: By the way im not sure if i ever mentioned this but Hun used to like me back when Ty used to like me (only hun and Ty's other friend knew about him liking me) and it wasn't as much as Ty and he didnt want to go out with me but he did tell me he thought i was cute and really nice and to not tell Ty, which i didnt. I found this sweet and i was a little flattered but it was never really mentioned again. I don't think he likes me anymore although he does call me hot sometimes but i dont really mind, i hear it sometimes. But just because we share similiar interests (and i have always been as nice as possible to HUn and the same back because of the way he acts because of the death of his dad a few years before anyone knew him so i have always felt bad) and can talk about Ty because we usually have the same outlook on him (not that we like him just when Ty would say something stupid or not make any sense or go on a tantrun [hun is about or more laid back as i am and im really laid back] or something). So i don't like hun and probably never will but he is definetly someone that can read my face and probably never say a word about it, i can trust him and i also would like to say thanks hun ^^.
Looking ahead on the road of love, will my feet remain firmly planted or will they give in and run down across the black concrete?
Hikari
So then Ty came out looking really happy and such so it made me happy, i was also with Hun. But soon after we started walking Ty stopped said he was going to wait for Craz. I just told him not to worry about her and she'd catch up anyway even though i didnt want her to. But no he still waited for her and i kept walking. I was happy cause at least Hun agreed with me and he walked with me. Hun never talks in person, he's too shy, that's why we always chat and ramble online so of course we just walked next to us and i just turned my iPod up really loud so i couldn't hear Craz's loud voice 6 meters behind us. She and Ty walked the same distance away for us and i never heard if they called for us but i am mad at him for choosing her over me although i was still kept some pride and said that i would not walk with her thus i gave him up just this once, i was not willing to lose.
He did seem more distant to me then ever and i did feel as if i may had taken an appearance of a stuck up person but im not afraid to show who i really am and so i just kept walking, not with my head high but at least some with some "pride" you could say, or confidence in myself. Ty is on right now but i won't talk to him, i'm tryin to think on what i could say that would show that i was hurt at what he did.
But you guys were the ones that lifted me up. Talking about everything on those comments did make me crack a smile and i still feel hurt but at least a little more controlled and peaceful. So thank you everyone, i think im gonna finish this new layout im making and also a picture i drew today in french of me kinda feeling the way i am now, clenching love as i view it. Hope you like it.
Oh and concerning Alana, i dont really mind her i realize she might be trying to hit on Ty but she is still dating Ty and i think she is just trying to act like him since he is the upperclassmen. I can tell she's trying to look cooler as an underclassmen by cussing and trying to fit in and i applaud her for her efforts but i think she'll get tired of him after long, plus her friends don't seem to care for us much. The great thing is that the fact i called Craz annoying and stuff didnt seem to bother or get around too many people since plenty of our shared friends know i wouldn't do something such as whatever she mentioned and only one person asked me about it, im pretty comfortable with it. She did not look at me today, nor talk to me, and kept her distance, and she didn't even sit at our table so her voice was a far way's away and Ty stayed and talked with us, which was wonderful. If only Ty hadnt been so stubborn and walked with us then she would haven't tried to catch up because i was there. But maybe another day, i gotta hint something. JUst a small something to show i really love him. I can't keep going on like this cause i am getting nowhere. I'm not falling away without him and im not getting closer, im kinda just sitting. So please help me out with that but although i am having mixed emotions i still feel thankful in a wierd way.
Side story: By the way im not sure if i ever mentioned this but Hun used to like me back when Ty used to like me (only hun and Ty's other friend knew about him liking me) and it wasn't as much as Ty and he didnt want to go out with me but he did tell me he thought i was cute and really nice and to not tell Ty, which i didnt. I found this sweet and i was a little flattered but it was never really mentioned again. I don't think he likes me anymore although he does call me hot sometimes but i dont really mind, i hear it sometimes. But just because we share similiar interests (and i have always been as nice as possible to HUn and the same back because of the way he acts because of the death of his dad a few years before anyone knew him so i have always felt bad) and can talk about Ty because we usually have the same outlook on him (not that we like him just when Ty would say something stupid or not make any sense or go on a tantrun [hun is about or more laid back as i am and im really laid back] or something). So i don't like hun and probably never will but he is definetly someone that can read my face and probably never say a word about it, i can trust him and i also would like to say thanks hun ^^.
Looking ahead on the road of love, will my feet remain firmly planted or will they give in and run down across the black concrete?
Hikari
Monday, August 18, 2008
Uber long post of 4 days!!!
Ok i have been promising this till friday and haven't gotten around to it because of several things so let me finally get it done, this will go by days, i cant say much about "Ty action" and i will be talking about him and i know how much you hate Craz but she will also be mentioned so let'sa begin!
Friday: Ok so i had been sick or out of school for some reason all week except Tuesday so i had come back on friday. It was actually quite cold that day and i had french so i went early so i didnt walk with Ty (probably wouldnt have gotten to his house early enough anyway, he leaves really early and im just slow). When we got to lunch THANK GOD Craz was talking with her other friends (who do happen to be some of mine but i have lots so they arent my BIG priority) but a new girl was at our table.
A new person in the school that had gone to our primary school (she was younger than us by a year or two) and she was talking a lot with her friend and Ty. I was totally confused! Why was he talking to underclassmen!? Who was she?! What about Favi (in a different pod if i havent mentioned)!? I finally asked who she was and he explained her name was Alana. Ok.... that's it!? He just kept talking to her and i eavesdropped on the conversation but she is totally not the kind of person Ty would hang out with. Her hair was uber curly and bleached blonde, and she was like a total ditz and all she would talk about were how much she hated her parents. He friend didnt say much but had a similiar dye job but worse and her hair was something straight out of the eighties, both were wearing quite a bit of make-up. I just stared in amazement, who were these girls!?!?! (they are not pretty so dont think im saying this just the more girls the more competition.... *shiver* i dont like that word, makes Ty sound like a trophey or something... WHICH HE IS NOT! He is so much better than that! And im the only person that will ever love him more than like, god i sound so insane O_o)
Then one of my REALLY good friends Travis came to sit next to her and i pointed at him and asked "you know her too!?" And he kinda just paused and said "What do you mean we're going out." Now let me note both shock and relief washed over me. At least she wasn't going out with Ty or anything and good for my friend for actually getting a girlfriend even though it was a sucky underclassmen and i had been rooting for another girl that liked Travis and wanted to go out with him (obviously that NEVER happened, i feel really bad for her, she really liked him), but now the blog isnt about Travis.
But i later learned that this Alana girl was really the ex of Hefflini (an "ex" friend of Ty's that i used to sit with at lunch at the beginning of the summer and somehow was now suposeddly hated by Ty even though they were REALLY close for years and i am still afraid to ask what happened since Hefflini is one of the nicest guys i know) occasionally talked about and i kinda remembered her. The shocker: She dumped Hefflini because she liked Ty (about ready to kick her a$$ both cause she liked Ty and its just mean to dump Hefflini, he's too nice). So now im contemplating because instead of sitting with Travis her "current boyfriend" she's sitting and talking with Ty. I'm heavily annoyed by this and wish she go back to her life and stop worrying about Ty and i was joking around about if he liked her that he was a two-timer on Favi and he said "Of course not, im 'going out' with Favi" (still undetermined, they've only been on one day). I'm still keeping an eye on this Alana girl but i think i should be alright, BUT I WILL NOT LET MY GUARD DOWN!
So last period is when it started. The rain! OH GOD THE BEAUTIFUL RAIN (it rarely rains where we are which is why rain is good). Ok so it really had started at 3 that morning and it had been raining all morning but it was time to walk home. THank god my mom let me walk home cause Craz had to stay after school and i got to walk home with just Ty!.... and my friend Kisu-chan and Favi. They were both going to Ty's house because after only 5 min in the rain everyones hair was drenched and there was water up to our knees (not literally but our clothes were soaked because we have to cross a ravine and when it rains its like a river so we have walk through about a foot of water and so our jeans were drenched) but i couldnt come since my mom was home. I enjoyed the rain a lot, i always do and i walked home, soaking and cold, and it was nice. I kinda talked to him a little later but nothing big. But god that rain was just excellent.
Saturday:
This was a fun day, i had woken up at a beautiful noon o' clock and was definetly well rested, not that i had done anything the past week since i mostly spent it at home. Still raining (this has got to be a record!? Two days in a row NON-STOP! WOOT!) my mom called me and told me the clouds were looking good. I'm in a photography contest and am nearing the last couple days of the contest so i had been trying to take as many pictures as possible so i just through on some jeans and went out to take pictures a few miles away from home. I txted Ty a little and talked about how nice it was then i convinced my mom to go up to the mountains, urging that i only had a few days left and the mountains may give me hundreds of more pictures. I did make it up there and we spent hours all over the mountains taking pictures. I loved it it was so much fun! Its a while to get into the mountains and back and so i didnt make it back till 10 but it was worth it. Now i have lots of choices to choose for this contest.
Sunday: Really nothing happened today, spent my WHOLE day on homework, didnt talk to Ty much except when he asked me about our homework.
Monday: Yay second week of school! Not yay -.- I walked to school late once again so i couldnt walk with Ty and i was preoccupied when i got to school and waiting for the bell ring but Ty did seem like he wanted to talk to me. We got moved apart in the only class we have together and he's about 3 rows down from me but i can see him in the corner of my eye. I hate my health teacher and always will, she's perky and annoying and immature and never shuts up, and she moved Ty and me apart. *bukets of tears* So then at lunch today AL-A-NA was again sitting with Ty and talking and i was sad i couldnt engage but this time Craz was getting on my nerves. She kept bugging me on why i won't unblock her on our IM and kept wanting to ask why i hate her so much (GEE I WONDER!? You lie, your hypocritical, you cant stop talking about yourself, and you make me look like an idiot, oh yeah like im gonna unblock YOU!). Then i finally got annoyed and as we were all trying to get to our next class i called her annoying and walked away because i knew she wanted to argue with me and i didnt so instead she THROWS HER FULL WATER BOTTLE AT MY BACK! TWICE! It only hit me once and it did hurt but i didnt even flinch and didnt look back and just kept walking. God she pissed me off.
So then i had to walk home with her and once again bugging me about the same thing and talking about herself to Ty and Hun. Then i stepped on a dead snake and was totally grossed out. I was actually kinda glad i did this because Craz being the Harry Potter nut she is thinks she's derived from snakes and is always wearing all this Slytherin junk and thinks she is so noble and was devistated i stepped on the 'holy' snake (lol!!!). I just kept walking as i didnt care and wanted to get away from the dead animal as quick as possible. Ty and hun just waited for her as she mourned over the stupid animal and finally caught up, Craz going on about herself. I can't believe people don't get sick of her. So i talked to Ty after school (and now). Nothing much to say just really annoyed at myself for always apologizing too much not only to Ty but everyone. I think im gonna talk again since i have been using the excuse of "I'm doing my homework" just so i can write this. So i better get back and try to bring myself more into his life.
I also put up my message as "Make yourself useful and join Jazz Band" which is our after-school rock/jazz band that i play drums in. Ty's older sister played in it and i would have thought he would have joined because 1. i was in it 2. he looks up to his sister and they both play guitar, but he doesnt seem interested. Plenty of people are pushing me to keep bugging him about it because of the fact that we ARE infact running low on guitarists and need some more, he just doesn't like playing something that's not his choice so i'll ask again and see what he says.
And i posted a comment on Cleo's most recent entry on how even though she and Tokomi are moving on (right?) i actually think this is really the beginning. We may have only known each other a little bit but we have accomplished quite a bit and but i think maybe this whole thing is really like an introduction of a book. Maybe most of the story is still to come, we'll have to see what is gonna happen to all of us. But do you promise to keep blogging? PLEASE SAY YES! Here's to our blogging revolution all started by one forum post!
You are gonna keep bloggin right???
Hikari
P.S. im still working on the new layout so just hold on a little bit longer.
P.S.S. TADA THE UBER LONG POST IS FINISHED! Now you may comment and make it as long as you want.
P.S.S.S (how many am i gonna do!?) And it's hard now to talk on ICQ because of my school hours, i cant talk in the morning and by the time i get home you're already all sleeping so i guess i will only be able to talk on weekends, sorry!
P.S.S.S.S(so... many.... 's's) Carrie when are you coming back? i misses you sooooooooo much!
Friday: Ok so i had been sick or out of school for some reason all week except Tuesday so i had come back on friday. It was actually quite cold that day and i had french so i went early so i didnt walk with Ty (probably wouldnt have gotten to his house early enough anyway, he leaves really early and im just slow). When we got to lunch THANK GOD Craz was talking with her other friends (who do happen to be some of mine but i have lots so they arent my BIG priority) but a new girl was at our table.
A new person in the school that had gone to our primary school (she was younger than us by a year or two) and she was talking a lot with her friend and Ty. I was totally confused! Why was he talking to underclassmen!? Who was she?! What about Favi (in a different pod if i havent mentioned)!? I finally asked who she was and he explained her name was Alana. Ok.... that's it!? He just kept talking to her and i eavesdropped on the conversation but she is totally not the kind of person Ty would hang out with. Her hair was uber curly and bleached blonde, and she was like a total ditz and all she would talk about were how much she hated her parents. He friend didnt say much but had a similiar dye job but worse and her hair was something straight out of the eighties, both were wearing quite a bit of make-up. I just stared in amazement, who were these girls!?!?! (they are not pretty so dont think im saying this just the more girls the more competition.... *shiver* i dont like that word, makes Ty sound like a trophey or something... WHICH HE IS NOT! He is so much better than that! And im the only person that will ever love him more than like, god i sound so insane O_o)
Then one of my REALLY good friends Travis came to sit next to her and i pointed at him and asked "you know her too!?" And he kinda just paused and said "What do you mean we're going out." Now let me note both shock and relief washed over me. At least she wasn't going out with Ty or anything and good for my friend for actually getting a girlfriend even though it was a sucky underclassmen and i had been rooting for another girl that liked Travis and wanted to go out with him (obviously that NEVER happened, i feel really bad for her, she really liked him), but now the blog isnt about Travis.
But i later learned that this Alana girl was really the ex of Hefflini (an "ex" friend of Ty's that i used to sit with at lunch at the beginning of the summer and somehow was now suposeddly hated by Ty even though they were REALLY close for years and i am still afraid to ask what happened since Hefflini is one of the nicest guys i know) occasionally talked about and i kinda remembered her. The shocker: She dumped Hefflini because she liked Ty (about ready to kick her a$$ both cause she liked Ty and its just mean to dump Hefflini, he's too nice). So now im contemplating because instead of sitting with Travis her "current boyfriend" she's sitting and talking with Ty. I'm heavily annoyed by this and wish she go back to her life and stop worrying about Ty and i was joking around about if he liked her that he was a two-timer on Favi and he said "Of course not, im 'going out' with Favi" (still undetermined, they've only been on one day). I'm still keeping an eye on this Alana girl but i think i should be alright, BUT I WILL NOT LET MY GUARD DOWN!
So last period is when it started. The rain! OH GOD THE BEAUTIFUL RAIN (it rarely rains where we are which is why rain is good). Ok so it really had started at 3 that morning and it had been raining all morning but it was time to walk home. THank god my mom let me walk home cause Craz had to stay after school and i got to walk home with just Ty!.... and my friend Kisu-chan and Favi. They were both going to Ty's house because after only 5 min in the rain everyones hair was drenched and there was water up to our knees (not literally but our clothes were soaked because we have to cross a ravine and when it rains its like a river so we have walk through about a foot of water and so our jeans were drenched) but i couldnt come since my mom was home. I enjoyed the rain a lot, i always do and i walked home, soaking and cold, and it was nice. I kinda talked to him a little later but nothing big. But god that rain was just excellent.
Saturday:
This was a fun day, i had woken up at a beautiful noon o' clock and was definetly well rested, not that i had done anything the past week since i mostly spent it at home. Still raining (this has got to be a record!? Two days in a row NON-STOP! WOOT!) my mom called me and told me the clouds were looking good. I'm in a photography contest and am nearing the last couple days of the contest so i had been trying to take as many pictures as possible so i just through on some jeans and went out to take pictures a few miles away from home. I txted Ty a little and talked about how nice it was then i convinced my mom to go up to the mountains, urging that i only had a few days left and the mountains may give me hundreds of more pictures. I did make it up there and we spent hours all over the mountains taking pictures. I loved it it was so much fun! Its a while to get into the mountains and back and so i didnt make it back till 10 but it was worth it. Now i have lots of choices to choose for this contest.
Sunday: Really nothing happened today, spent my WHOLE day on homework, didnt talk to Ty much except when he asked me about our homework.
Monday: Yay second week of school! Not yay -.- I walked to school late once again so i couldnt walk with Ty and i was preoccupied when i got to school and waiting for the bell ring but Ty did seem like he wanted to talk to me. We got moved apart in the only class we have together and he's about 3 rows down from me but i can see him in the corner of my eye. I hate my health teacher and always will, she's perky and annoying and immature and never shuts up, and she moved Ty and me apart. *bukets of tears* So then at lunch today AL-A-NA was again sitting with Ty and talking and i was sad i couldnt engage but this time Craz was getting on my nerves. She kept bugging me on why i won't unblock her on our IM and kept wanting to ask why i hate her so much (GEE I WONDER!? You lie, your hypocritical, you cant stop talking about yourself, and you make me look like an idiot, oh yeah like im gonna unblock YOU!). Then i finally got annoyed and as we were all trying to get to our next class i called her annoying and walked away because i knew she wanted to argue with me and i didnt so instead she THROWS HER FULL WATER BOTTLE AT MY BACK! TWICE! It only hit me once and it did hurt but i didnt even flinch and didnt look back and just kept walking. God she pissed me off.
So then i had to walk home with her and once again bugging me about the same thing and talking about herself to Ty and Hun. Then i stepped on a dead snake and was totally grossed out. I was actually kinda glad i did this because Craz being the Harry Potter nut she is thinks she's derived from snakes and is always wearing all this Slytherin junk and thinks she is so noble and was devistated i stepped on the 'holy' snake (lol!!!). I just kept walking as i didnt care and wanted to get away from the dead animal as quick as possible. Ty and hun just waited for her as she mourned over the stupid animal and finally caught up, Craz going on about herself. I can't believe people don't get sick of her. So i talked to Ty after school (and now). Nothing much to say just really annoyed at myself for always apologizing too much not only to Ty but everyone. I think im gonna talk again since i have been using the excuse of "I'm doing my homework" just so i can write this. So i better get back and try to bring myself more into his life.
I also put up my message as "Make yourself useful and join Jazz Band" which is our after-school rock/jazz band that i play drums in. Ty's older sister played in it and i would have thought he would have joined because 1. i was in it 2. he looks up to his sister and they both play guitar, but he doesnt seem interested. Plenty of people are pushing me to keep bugging him about it because of the fact that we ARE infact running low on guitarists and need some more, he just doesn't like playing something that's not his choice so i'll ask again and see what he says.
And i posted a comment on Cleo's most recent entry on how even though she and Tokomi are moving on (right?) i actually think this is really the beginning. We may have only known each other a little bit but we have accomplished quite a bit and but i think maybe this whole thing is really like an introduction of a book. Maybe most of the story is still to come, we'll have to see what is gonna happen to all of us. But do you promise to keep blogging? PLEASE SAY YES! Here's to our blogging revolution all started by one forum post!
You are gonna keep bloggin right???
Hikari
P.S. im still working on the new layout so just hold on a little bit longer.
P.S.S. TADA THE UBER LONG POST IS FINISHED! Now you may comment and make it as long as you want.
P.S.S.S (how many am i gonna do!?) And it's hard now to talk on ICQ because of my school hours, i cant talk in the morning and by the time i get home you're already all sleeping so i guess i will only be able to talk on weekends, sorry!
P.S.S.S.S(so... many.... 's's) Carrie when are you coming back? i misses you sooooooooo much!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
HELL NO I AM NOT GIVING UP AFTER THIS FAR!!! ^o^
Yosha i crossed a big dirt hole yesterday on the road of love. As most of you know, i went to the pool yesterday with Ty. Yup JUST Ty. Hun didnt show up and neither did Craz's ex so i had Ty ALL. TO. MYSELF! i would have thought i'd be nervous but actually i wasn't too bad yesterday and my blushing was actually at a minimium. YES!!! Although Ty was definetly different in a way. Almost always he is really talkative in person but we'd already started to be talkative online as well so talking to him wasn't hard. We were joking around a lot and had a 2-hour long "did you know/ would you rather..." rally. Although the wierd part was Ty couldn't make up his mind, no matter what he was talking about. He would say something then change his mind and then change his mind again. But what really makes me feel sooooooo good is that he kept saying that his heart was beating really fast and he felt a little light-headed. I was totally extatic about this cause i mean cmon, what guy says his heart's beating really fast directly without trying to make a point. I totally am starting to think he likes me (especially cause i was wearing a bikini then ^^). We joked around a lot (especially about the fact that he's a horrible swimmer and i am on a competitive team) and such and didnt even argue once *proudness* I'm sooooo happy!!! I THINK HE LIKES ME!!!! I THINK HE REALLLY REALLY REAALLY LIKES ME!!!!! *singing*
@tokomi: Ok well like i said before i really think you shouldnt let him go but only pay attention if he shows interest because really you have more important things to worry about and this is a time where only thinking mostly of yourself isnt selfish, you gotta reach a goal and not let someone else hold you back. In my opinion still like him but i do think there are tons of better guys that you will find. You will find someone who u are meant to be with soon have hope. In love and yourself. did that make any sense what so ever???
@Cleo: Just try all you can to make him confess, im tellin ya, FOR SURE HE LIKES YOU!!! TOTALLY SURE!!!!
Dancing down the road to love, is that the city in the distance or just a mirage?
Hikari
P.S. Extending the poll now for the school year, i really think he might like me ^^ *giddy giddy*
@tokomi: Ok well like i said before i really think you shouldnt let him go but only pay attention if he shows interest because really you have more important things to worry about and this is a time where only thinking mostly of yourself isnt selfish, you gotta reach a goal and not let someone else hold you back. In my opinion still like him but i do think there are tons of better guys that you will find. You will find someone who u are meant to be with soon have hope. In love and yourself. did that make any sense what so ever???
@Cleo: Just try all you can to make him confess, im tellin ya, FOR SURE HE LIKES YOU!!! TOTALLY SURE!!!!
Dancing down the road to love, is that the city in the distance or just a mirage?
Hikari
P.S. Extending the poll now for the school year, i really think he might like me ^^ *giddy giddy*
Friday, August 8, 2008
Trying to finish a boring summer with at least a moderatly happy note
Well summer has already drawn to and end here and school starts on Tuesday, sadly. Even though last summer was a month shorter i think it felt so much longer because of all the traveling and especially hanging out with Ty a lot. But this summer i only saw him twice, and i traveled no where and now it rushed by and its been longer than last. I find this quite depressing.
Another thing i find depressing is Ty says he is moving after this year, and at first i thought it was because he complained about our school being to "jock-y/ sporty" but now he states he is moving. period. im really trying to see the true reason and i know i shouldn't interfere but i doubt i'd be able to see him especially after this crappy of a summer. I have been able to talk with him a lot but i guess i've been to afraid to face him in person, which is too much of a coward act. I really need to buck up a bit because Ty isn't gonna like closed-up, lazy, nervous, me! NO SIREE BOB- SU!
I'm going to make the most of this school year and try to hang out with him for the rest of the 'real' summer and try to get him to like me again. The other night i yelled at him (he didn't mind, something had really frustrated me that day so i was in the mood to yell) and of course i mentioned something about him liking me which was a pretty bold move and im proud i was able to get it out that easily *pats self on back*. first he was kinda shocked and just simply answered no an moved on to a different topic, i think he might have been trying to cover something up since he started to joke around. That or im just really dense.
But today we're going to the pool together with him, hun, another friend, and me to celebrate the last few days. Both hun and ty seemed especially wanting me to go so i finally slipped it in (with the olympics im really focused and 'busy') so he seems kinda excited. for once im not too nervous because hun's gonna be there and hun always keeps me calm and collected, i guess he just keeps everythign together in his own way (he doesn't even talk much he just is kind of a reliever). And if i ever mentioned that one friend i was worried about being clingy and not being able to spend time with Ty, i mentioned her to him and he actually thinks she's awesome so everything works out, right???
WRONG! Craz is on or team. I dont know what classes i have with her and i dont know how she's going to behave because i have blocked her on almost everything but im not exactly wanting to find out. a few weeks ago she sent me a couple texts (the one thing i cant block her on) talking about how much she missed me and how [i]I[/i] was the one that changed and asked if i would talk to her again. Now if i replied i would have probably yelled at her that she's a nutcase or something (which she is) but i just deleted the message and didn't reply. Although i talked to ty and she doesn't seem to have talked with him much and neither her 'boyfriend' (Ty's best friend) since school let out and i think the reason she only texted me was because he possibly would have broken up with her. I'll ask her 'possible ex' tomoro since i think he's coming with us. but i really hope she doesn't try to buddy up when i get to school or im gonna kill her.
Dates Ty has been on since the first: 0
Times i will have seen Ty this summer: 3
Times i saw him last summer (est.): 16
on a scale from one to ten how dissapointed in myself am i?: 9.5
BUT I MUST STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG IF I SHALL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
Standing strong as the sun rises on the road to love,
Hikari
Another thing i find depressing is Ty says he is moving after this year, and at first i thought it was because he complained about our school being to "jock-y/ sporty" but now he states he is moving. period. im really trying to see the true reason and i know i shouldn't interfere but i doubt i'd be able to see him especially after this crappy of a summer. I have been able to talk with him a lot but i guess i've been to afraid to face him in person, which is too much of a coward act. I really need to buck up a bit because Ty isn't gonna like closed-up, lazy, nervous, me! NO SIREE BOB- SU!
I'm going to make the most of this school year and try to hang out with him for the rest of the 'real' summer and try to get him to like me again. The other night i yelled at him (he didn't mind, something had really frustrated me that day so i was in the mood to yell) and of course i mentioned something about him liking me which was a pretty bold move and im proud i was able to get it out that easily *pats self on back*. first he was kinda shocked and just simply answered no an moved on to a different topic, i think he might have been trying to cover something up since he started to joke around. That or im just really dense.
But today we're going to the pool together with him, hun, another friend, and me to celebrate the last few days. Both hun and ty seemed especially wanting me to go so i finally slipped it in (with the olympics im really focused and 'busy') so he seems kinda excited. for once im not too nervous because hun's gonna be there and hun always keeps me calm and collected, i guess he just keeps everythign together in his own way (he doesn't even talk much he just is kind of a reliever). And if i ever mentioned that one friend i was worried about being clingy and not being able to spend time with Ty, i mentioned her to him and he actually thinks she's awesome so everything works out, right???
WRONG! Craz is on or team. I dont know what classes i have with her and i dont know how she's going to behave because i have blocked her on almost everything but im not exactly wanting to find out. a few weeks ago she sent me a couple texts (the one thing i cant block her on) talking about how much she missed me and how [i]I[/i] was the one that changed and asked if i would talk to her again. Now if i replied i would have probably yelled at her that she's a nutcase or something (which she is) but i just deleted the message and didn't reply. Although i talked to ty and she doesn't seem to have talked with him much and neither her 'boyfriend' (Ty's best friend) since school let out and i think the reason she only texted me was because he possibly would have broken up with her. I'll ask her 'possible ex' tomoro since i think he's coming with us. but i really hope she doesn't try to buddy up when i get to school or im gonna kill her.
Dates Ty has been on since the first: 0
Times i will have seen Ty this summer: 3
Times i saw him last summer (est.): 16
on a scale from one to ten how dissapointed in myself am i?: 9.5
BUT I MUST STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG IF I SHALL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
Standing strong as the sun rises on the road to love,
Hikari
Thursday, July 31, 2008
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so giddy its so hard to write!!! Today i went to register for this school year and i was really worried becuase i was in a class with seniors in a different building so i would have to be in a smart pod or team (and i am also in a couple advanced classes) and i got on the pod that was rumored to have only advanced classes so i was really worried that Ty wouldn't be on there because i didnt think he would be in any advanced classes (he's not below average he's just a slacker and doesn't like homework so he always gets bad grades, USUALLY), but a miracle has come and HE IS IN MY POD!!!!!!!!!!!!! *squeal* I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WAS SO HAPPY!!!!! Being in different pods usually means ur friendship with people usually weakens becuase u dont see them all day unless its out of school but now im with him and i get to see him everyday and sit at lunch with him!!! I did see him during registration and my mom being a parent had to go and embarrass me infront of him (even though she doesn't know i like him, she does this to all my friends who are guys), and im not mad at her for it but i was sooooo embarrased, although i think he forgot by now but he kinda just laughed at me inside and we tried to ignore each other cause that's how things kinda work at these registrations. I remember i was so bummed when i thought i wasnt in the same pod but when he said he was in the same i was so filled with glee!!! I'm only in one class and it is the class i will miss half of 2-3 times a week because of this senior french class but i still get to see him in the halls and i get to sit with him at lunch, OMG I AM SOOOOO HAPPY!!!! I hope everything goes well and i hope this'll help him fall in love with me again ^^!!!!
Jumping off the walls with happiness,
Hikari
Days till school: 13
Jumping off the walls with happiness,
Hikari
Days till school: 13
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
Goodnight and Go
Ok well i know i havent posted for like 3 weeks and im really sorry and i decided im gonna try my best at posting more. Well putting that aside, everything has really been going great! Even though Ty went on his date with Favi a week or so ago it seems that i'm talking to him a lot more and stuff. I think you all heard about how he finally found that message where i typed *red* (the first hint he gave me) and he was all serious and all (which actually seriously scares me, him being serious) trying to get me to tell him what i meant by that, of course i didn't tell him because i was scared and i yelled at him and logged off (ah the joys of doing this over IM). So we didn't talk for a few days after that (by the way he found out the day after his date) and then once we started talking again we acted like it didn't happen. The last 3 days we're talking multiple times a day.
But yesterday was big, i talked to him plenty of times but it didn't get interesting till last night. We were going into a silence after talking about this simple computer prank (its hilarious, doesn't work for all computers but most: Ctrl+alt+ down key)then i questioned him about Favi, his date:
I had talked to my friend Kisu-chan and Favi a day before (we're all friends) and Favi really liked Ty and was too scared to "ask him out" (i used this term as "ask to be his girlfriend" but ty said it was more like just going to a date so i don't really know what term to use, lets just say ask to be his girlfriend) and Kisu-chan said that she talked to Ty (i'm surprised she hangs out with him, i didn't know they were that great of friends but at the same time she saw her with this psycho girl, manda-chan who's had a crush on Ty for years even though he hates her even though she seems to always make him hang out with her but anyway [and also manda-chan was the one that gave me his number last summer when we pranked txted him]) and he said he wanted to "ask to be her boyfriend" but i was seriously unconvinced. Ty wouldn't just openly say that to Kisu-chan who isn't even 100% trustable and not exactly best friends with him so i was surprised but i didn't buy it, at least i didn't want to.
So i asked him if it was true if he wanted to "be her bfriend" (gah i hate saying that!!! im just gonna say "go out") and he was like: "where did u hear that?". After a while of stalling and saying just people, i finally told him kisu-chan. I was pretty silent after and then he said he didn't know and then he didn't care. Then HE started dotting and i was like what, what was the matter, and then totally unexpected he told me: "Go to bed." I was like "EXCUSE ME?!?!?!" i still totally didn't get it and i sent a couple messages after that asking him what the heck he was talking about then apologizing for yelling. I didn't go to sleep though of course, becuase today was the one day i didn't have practice in the morning so i was gonna try to stay up late. He never sent anything else after that but we both seemed pretty embarrassed, me talking to him of course, and him... well i really hope it wasn't about Favi.
Trying to figure out if he really cares, and trying to sound as dissapointed as possible while bringing Favi up,
Hikari
P.S. The title is this song that really reminds me of him and me, please listen to it if you can (it was also on a Rukia (me) and Ichigo (ty) tribute anime video)
"Goodnight and Go" Imogen Heap
"...Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
Follow you home
You've got your headphones on..."
(i really like it cause one of the first weeks of school last year he did walk me all the way home and of course because of our love of music we both had our headphones on and i was really nervous and all [i knew he liked me, and this was his peak of loving me but i dont think he knew i liked him yet, maybe this is what made me open my eyes,i'm not sure] and then once i watched him walk back for a little bit i txted him and said "Thanks" and he was all "... *kiss*" i still remember my feeling and seeing it, i loved it. and yet i miss it so much. *happy tears*)
But yesterday was big, i talked to him plenty of times but it didn't get interesting till last night. We were going into a silence after talking about this simple computer prank (its hilarious, doesn't work for all computers but most: Ctrl+alt+ down key)then i questioned him about Favi, his date:
I had talked to my friend Kisu-chan and Favi a day before (we're all friends) and Favi really liked Ty and was too scared to "ask him out" (i used this term as "ask to be his girlfriend" but ty said it was more like just going to a date so i don't really know what term to use, lets just say ask to be his girlfriend) and Kisu-chan said that she talked to Ty (i'm surprised she hangs out with him, i didn't know they were that great of friends but at the same time she saw her with this psycho girl, manda-chan who's had a crush on Ty for years even though he hates her even though she seems to always make him hang out with her but anyway [and also manda-chan was the one that gave me his number last summer when we pranked txted him]) and he said he wanted to "ask to be her boyfriend" but i was seriously unconvinced. Ty wouldn't just openly say that to Kisu-chan who isn't even 100% trustable and not exactly best friends with him so i was surprised but i didn't buy it, at least i didn't want to.
So i asked him if it was true if he wanted to "be her bfriend" (gah i hate saying that!!! im just gonna say "go out") and he was like: "where did u hear that?". After a while of stalling and saying just people, i finally told him kisu-chan. I was pretty silent after and then he said he didn't know and then he didn't care. Then HE started dotting and i was like what, what was the matter, and then totally unexpected he told me: "Go to bed." I was like "EXCUSE ME?!?!?!" i still totally didn't get it and i sent a couple messages after that asking him what the heck he was talking about then apologizing for yelling. I didn't go to sleep though of course, becuase today was the one day i didn't have practice in the morning so i was gonna try to stay up late. He never sent anything else after that but we both seemed pretty embarrassed, me talking to him of course, and him... well i really hope it wasn't about Favi.
Trying to figure out if he really cares, and trying to sound as dissapointed as possible while bringing Favi up,
Hikari
P.S. The title is this song that really reminds me of him and me, please listen to it if you can (it was also on a Rukia (me) and Ichigo (ty) tribute anime video)
"Goodnight and Go" Imogen Heap
"...Why'd you have to be so cute
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go
Follow you home
You've got your headphones on..."
(i really like it cause one of the first weeks of school last year he did walk me all the way home and of course because of our love of music we both had our headphones on and i was really nervous and all [i knew he liked me, and this was his peak of loving me but i dont think he knew i liked him yet, maybe this is what made me open my eyes,i'm not sure] and then once i watched him walk back for a little bit i txted him and said "Thanks" and he was all "... *kiss*" i still remember my feeling and seeing it, i loved it. and yet i miss it so much. *happy tears*)
Friday, July 4, 2008
Fireworks!?!?! Maybe love!?!? GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok im started to freak out now cause im going to hang out with Ty tonight, here's the story:
Day 1 (July 3rd): I talked to him at night and he seemed to be in a good mood cause he was talking a lot more than usual. We talked a while then he mentioned he was going on a date next. Surprisingly, i didn't freeze and start freaking out, guess it was cause i was really tired. I asked about it and he seemed kinda embarrased bout telling me but he said "Favi". Favi is a good friend of both of us, really nice and polite, i liked her and i knew Ty hung out with her a lot. I went along with it and acted like i supported him for it (like i did for my cousin who, and still does, liked Ty and i tried to get them together only to find out it was me who he really liked last summer), that was when he got quiet and he didn't seem to want to talk about Favi. I just couldn't let the subject go, i tried to push it a little more just to make me seem jealous but i dont think it worked. I finally asked him if he had asked Favi if she was going to the Independence Day fireworks the next day even though i wanted to go with him. He said he didn't care for going with her and would rather wait till next week. Even though he had supposedly asked her out to a movie he didn't want to talk about it and he said it was a "kinda date" that it wasn't like they were going out or anything and besides Favi was nice, it seems to me as if it isn't a date at all. I have been pondering if this is an attempt to make me jealous or not but i'll just have to see.
Here's where it gets crazy:
Day 2, Independence Day July 4th: I woke up this morning/afternoon (i was up late again so it was actually 12:30 when i woke up) and i got on my computer and as soon as i logged into my messenger Ty was pinging me with a bunch of messages, of course at the time i couldn't respond cause i was helping my mom (she recently had knee surgery so i have been helping her out) and he kept wanting to talk to me. I finally answered and he was really talkative and happy which shocked me. He was trying to ask me what i was doing tonight for the fireworks. I told him i was going with my friend Ibi-chan (who he'd met once a long time ago) and her friend to watch across the street and immediatly he asked if he could come. I was kinda surprised that all of a sudden he wanted to hang out with me even though he was having a date with Favi a week later. I asked Ibi-chan as Ty waited impatiently and now he's going with ibi-chan and i to watch fireworks!!! I'm so nervous and excited at the same time because i haven't seen him in over a month and its FIREWORKS!!! I don't know what to do and i don't know what's gonna happen. I offered that he could bring a friend with him so he's not with a bunch of girls but he said he'd rather not. Does that mean he really would like to go with me and just me rather than anyone else?! Well i have 3 hours before i meet him and Ibi-chan so wish me luck!
Nervousness nervousness,
Hikari
P.S. I'll post what happens later.
Day 1 (July 3rd): I talked to him at night and he seemed to be in a good mood cause he was talking a lot more than usual. We talked a while then he mentioned he was going on a date next. Surprisingly, i didn't freeze and start freaking out, guess it was cause i was really tired. I asked about it and he seemed kinda embarrased bout telling me but he said "Favi". Favi is a good friend of both of us, really nice and polite, i liked her and i knew Ty hung out with her a lot. I went along with it and acted like i supported him for it (like i did for my cousin who, and still does, liked Ty and i tried to get them together only to find out it was me who he really liked last summer), that was when he got quiet and he didn't seem to want to talk about Favi. I just couldn't let the subject go, i tried to push it a little more just to make me seem jealous but i dont think it worked. I finally asked him if he had asked Favi if she was going to the Independence Day fireworks the next day even though i wanted to go with him. He said he didn't care for going with her and would rather wait till next week. Even though he had supposedly asked her out to a movie he didn't want to talk about it and he said it was a "kinda date" that it wasn't like they were going out or anything and besides Favi was nice, it seems to me as if it isn't a date at all. I have been pondering if this is an attempt to make me jealous or not but i'll just have to see.
Here's where it gets crazy:
Day 2, Independence Day July 4th: I woke up this morning/afternoon (i was up late again so it was actually 12:30 when i woke up) and i got on my computer and as soon as i logged into my messenger Ty was pinging me with a bunch of messages, of course at the time i couldn't respond cause i was helping my mom (she recently had knee surgery so i have been helping her out) and he kept wanting to talk to me. I finally answered and he was really talkative and happy which shocked me. He was trying to ask me what i was doing tonight for the fireworks. I told him i was going with my friend Ibi-chan (who he'd met once a long time ago) and her friend to watch across the street and immediatly he asked if he could come. I was kinda surprised that all of a sudden he wanted to hang out with me even though he was having a date with Favi a week later. I asked Ibi-chan as Ty waited impatiently and now he's going with ibi-chan and i to watch fireworks!!! I'm so nervous and excited at the same time because i haven't seen him in over a month and its FIREWORKS!!! I don't know what to do and i don't know what's gonna happen. I offered that he could bring a friend with him so he's not with a bunch of girls but he said he'd rather not. Does that mean he really would like to go with me and just me rather than anyone else?! Well i have 3 hours before i meet him and Ibi-chan so wish me luck!
Nervousness nervousness,
Hikari
P.S. I'll post what happens later.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Lonely as hell
Hey not much to say since its 2 AM+ right now and my vision is getting blury *goes down to get caffeine* but i just wanna say its really lonely without all of you (isnt tokomi just gone???) anyway i'll post about my worries in the mornin. Anyway im just gonna talk to Hun-kun (Ty's friend) for a min, finish Pichi Pichi Pitch 6 and go to bed.
Hikari
Hikari
Monday, June 23, 2008
*Puts matches in between eyes to stay awake* (LOL total Mr. Bean reinaction)
Well nothing much on my side. I love all your ideas and i am gonna use them but right now goin through drawers' block so i need to get back on my feet and i should have all those pics drawn in up. I haven't talked to Ty much either, he hasn't been on much but i did txt him the other day and he did sound like he wanted to talk cause he immediatly told me to log on to MSN. Big problem is, i did this for the second time, i fell asleep after i posted hi (it was 12:30 PM but still) and i was so embarassed cause i just left him there, i did say sorry after but i dont think he got it. So the postponed concert is this wednesday again and i talked with him a week ago on it and we're both pretty excited. So maybe over the next few days i can talk with him bout that. But ya for now i just need to wait it out and try to draw again.
Draw erase draw erase,
Hikari
Draw erase draw erase,
Hikari
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Creativity help for a creative girl
Ok i know this isn't Ty-related (although we did have a nice conv. last night, well i think you can call it a conv.) but i REEEEEAAAALLLLYYYY need help:
I'm usually pretty good at this stuff but i have not been able to come up with something to draw. I need to draw for Chaii Tea (my website) since my deadlines are this friday i need to get them done pronto and i have lots of time but i haven't even started yet. I need 3 picture ideas that revolve around summer, here's other guidlines:
-One has to wear a kimono
-One has to have a popsicle
-And it has to be summer based of course.
Think you can put your minds to the task of creating an outfit, pose, look, hairstyle, and background? PLEASE HELP ME WITH SOME IDEAS MINA-SAN >.
Ok Ty-related: Basically i wasn't tired last night and i was bored so i txted Ty again. We kinda did our small chat thing (talked about how iTunes downloaded a bunch of songs onto my iPod for free that all happened to be the bands Ty likes and i didnt notice and then when i listened to it i really liked it and realized it was his favorite bands, still dont know how this is) and then i mentioned he's very quiet recently and he said he's always quiet. Then we had a calm debate over whether or not he was always quiet or sometimes. It only resulted in back and forth dots (a.k.a. Me: ... Ty: ... Me: ...... Ty:. etc etc). Then i said gnite and he said night back (cause it was like REALLY late) So yup. Oh and he just signed in maybe i'll talk to him ^-^
Hikari
I'm usually pretty good at this stuff but i have not been able to come up with something to draw. I need to draw for Chaii Tea (my website) since my deadlines are this friday i need to get them done pronto and i have lots of time but i haven't even started yet. I need 3 picture ideas that revolve around summer, here's other guidlines:
-One has to wear a kimono
-One has to have a popsicle
-And it has to be summer based of course.
Think you can put your minds to the task of creating an outfit, pose, look, hairstyle, and background? PLEASE HELP ME WITH SOME IDEAS MINA-SAN >.
Ok Ty-related: Basically i wasn't tired last night and i was bored so i txted Ty again. We kinda did our small chat thing (talked about how iTunes downloaded a bunch of songs onto my iPod for free that all happened to be the bands Ty likes and i didnt notice and then when i listened to it i really liked it and realized it was his favorite bands, still dont know how this is) and then i mentioned he's very quiet recently and he said he's always quiet. Then we had a calm debate over whether or not he was always quiet or sometimes. It only resulted in back and forth dots (a.k.a. Me: ... Ty: ... Me: ...... Ty:. etc etc). Then i said gnite and he said night back (cause it was like REALLY late) So yup. Oh and he just signed in maybe i'll talk to him ^-^
Hikari
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Vacations all around. Too bad they're short
Well so i'm sooooooooooooooo incredibly sorry i haven't posted. I'm on everyday but i just am too lazy to post. Gah i need to get rid of this disease. Anyway i have gathered enough stuff to make a worth while post. So anyway Ty went on vacation to his hometown of Chicago (which is nice cause its both our favorite city and we both wanna live there after High School) to see a couple concerts including the one we were gonna go see but go postponed to next week, so ya i was envious but it happens all the time. Anyway i also just went on a quick 2 day vacation to Colorado Springs in a REALLY fancy expensive hotel while my mom went on meetings. I didn't talk to him much but he did get a new cell phone and i have the number and everything. I only talked to him the night he went to the concert and i asked how it was and he was so exstatic. He talked about how he loved being back in Chicago and stuff and i was pretty happy that he was happy. I would txt him right now but yesterday i was losing EVERYTHING!
I left my bag in our hotel room and right as we were leaving the hotel i realized it and had to go back, get a key to the room, and go get my bag.... Then i forgot my drum sticks in my teachers office, and after going to see BLEACH at the Cinema, forgot my phone in my friend's car and she said she'd drop it off later today but still. So ya at least it's nice that Ty's kinda happy now and has somethin to do, just sucks that i don't have my phone...
Anyway i really hope the rest of you will post if you haven't already. We gotta get this posting extravaganza back on the road!
Still waiting to go the concert,
Hikari
I left my bag in our hotel room and right as we were leaving the hotel i realized it and had to go back, get a key to the room, and go get my bag.... Then i forgot my drum sticks in my teachers office, and after going to see BLEACH at the Cinema, forgot my phone in my friend's car and she said she'd drop it off later today but still. So ya at least it's nice that Ty's kinda happy now and has somethin to do, just sucks that i don't have my phone...
Anyway i really hope the rest of you will post if you haven't already. We gotta get this posting extravaganza back on the road!
Still waiting to go the concert,
Hikari
Thursday, June 5, 2008
As Long As the Rain Continues to Fall
As long as the rain continues to fall
Our love will remain unknown
But once the sun shows its true face
All will be revealed
Um ya so kinda a random poem/saying i made up since ever since he ignored me was when we started getting this big rain storm. It's rained everyday for almost a week here which is unusual because we live in such a sunny state, plus Summer hasn't really started so there is still no aura of real summer which i think also drives the little depression state i'm in. Well anyway ya. But here is a list of things im talking about of how he could like Craz (please read comment on previous post):
- He said he was hot but that doesn't mean he likes her (trust me if you really take a minute to look at her she's not pretty at all, *whisper* really bad acne *whisper*)
- He has fallen into her dream (see comment in previous post)
- He changed the location on his MSN profile to London (Craz has the exact same one because she thinks she's British (she's from Utah O.o even tho she says she is from Australia which she says is the same as being British)
- His best friend is going out with her
- He believes she really plays the video games he plays even though she told me she has never played them in her life
- And he also put in his blog that he's a vegetarian (because Craz says she's a vegatarian even though she eats chicken and states it's not meat and other meats) even though he eats burgers and such ALL THE TIME!
- And plain out he has fallen into her dream world. It will be interesting to see how soon he will be smart enough to wake up....
Well ya so my ranting on about that b****h sorry for wasting an entire post on it.
My apologies,
Hikari
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Wanted: Old Love to Call My Own... forever
Ok sorry if i sound hopeless, exagerated, and extremely depressed but i really am kinda. I told you that nothing has happened much and now it's to the point where i think he is the farthest from having feelings for me, but i'm praying it's all in my head. No he hasn't got a girlfriend. He doesn't hate (i don't think). And no he didn't reject me (if i could even ask). I just feel like he's ignoring me now. I'm reading everyone's posts and everyone seems so happy and good things are happening, so why do i always feel like the only one suffering. Anyway basically in the last couple days every time he comes on i always talk to him but he either (after a while) says "hi" back and then he never replies again, starts a conversation that last like 3 comments then he leaves before i can talk more, or just doesn't talk to me at all. I feel really bad about it. I have tried two times today and he doesn't respond to me, off or on his XBOX. Is it possible that video games are more important to him or maybe that i really did do something that makes him not want to talk to me. Although i have a nother theory:
I think its over with Craz. Cause i have blocked her on every possible messaging talking device. She has been annoying the heck out of me. She sent me a bunch of trash emails and IMs and now that i blocked her she's is mega mad and states i ruin people's lives when i didn't do anything. All i did was stop paying attention to her lies and i told her i knew she lies (she has ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, basically she feels like she always needs attention). Now im wondering since Ty looks up to her and stuff and doesn't know that she lies, did she tell him a lie about me that made him not talk to me!?!?! Now im just mad, confused, and more depressed. What should i do? Should i unblock her and see what her b**chy mouth has to say or should i stay like i am? Please help me *bukets*
On the verge of tears, crap, as she waits for news and reads more depressing manga,
Hikari
I think its over with Craz. Cause i have blocked her on every possible messaging talking device. She has been annoying the heck out of me. She sent me a bunch of trash emails and IMs and now that i blocked her she's is mega mad and states i ruin people's lives when i didn't do anything. All i did was stop paying attention to her lies and i told her i knew she lies (she has ADHD Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, basically she feels like she always needs attention). Now im wondering since Ty looks up to her and stuff and doesn't know that she lies, did she tell him a lie about me that made him not talk to me!?!?! Now im just mad, confused, and more depressed. What should i do? Should i unblock her and see what her b**chy mouth has to say or should i stay like i am? Please help me *bukets*
On the verge of tears, crap, as she waits for news and reads more depressing manga,
Hikari
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Absolute Boyfriend and One Lonely Summer Day
Ok half of this post is from yesterday but i didnt have time to finish it so here it is:
So i just read almost the entire Absolute Boyfriend series today (and finished. whoa in one day, im proud) and its really got my mind focused on Ty. I haven't heard from him all day and it's only 6 PM so he might be online later but i just seem to want to see him. Come to think of it i'm not used to not seeing him everyday and i told you about the time he was sick and i didn't see him at school for a few days, i was all depressed and such. (today, May/Mai 30) It's still early in the morning (i have to get up because i have swim practice at 7AM) and i doubt he's even up. But i got a text from Hun-kun (EMOTIONALLY SCARRED!) last night mentioning that our pool was opened. [Note: Our neighborhood has its own private community pool and my mom is the president of the board of the community so i think it was kinda stupid that he said that because my mom is the one incharge of the pool and opening dates and such] I couldn't answer him because i had already fallen asleep but maybe if he sends another i'll tell him that i am going today with my friend, Neko-chan (i know a lot of nekos O_o), which i am, so maybe he might tell Ty, doubt it but you never know. So ya just gonna hang out for now and wait for everyone else to get up... i hate having to get up early.
....,
Hikari
So i just read almost the entire Absolute Boyfriend series today (and finished. whoa in one day, im proud) and its really got my mind focused on Ty. I haven't heard from him all day and it's only 6 PM so he might be online later but i just seem to want to see him. Come to think of it i'm not used to not seeing him everyday and i told you about the time he was sick and i didn't see him at school for a few days, i was all depressed and such. (today, May/Mai 30) It's still early in the morning (i have to get up because i have swim practice at 7AM) and i doubt he's even up. But i got a text from Hun-kun (EMOTIONALLY SCARRED!) last night mentioning that our pool was opened. [Note: Our neighborhood has its own private community pool and my mom is the president of the board of the community so i think it was kinda stupid that he said that because my mom is the one incharge of the pool and opening dates and such] I couldn't answer him because i had already fallen asleep but maybe if he sends another i'll tell him that i am going today with my friend, Neko-chan (i know a lot of nekos O_o), which i am, so maybe he might tell Ty, doubt it but you never know. So ya just gonna hang out for now and wait for everyone else to get up... i hate having to get up early.
....,
Hikari
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
A Lesson for Europeans :D (WAIT I AM EUROPEAN!?)
[edit: ok now i found the post i was REALLY gonna post so you can read and comment now tokomi-chan]
Ok once again title has nothing to do with anything and yes i am a French citizen so.... i'm half french. Vive la France! :D whatever.
Ok i'm sorry everyone i didn't have time to post yesterday so i'll just post what happened yesterday since nothing has actually happened today. Yesterday i was mostly out running arrends so i didn't have time to talk but when i logged into IM on my phone Ty had messaged me first (a rare sight) from his XBOX (a first). I thought that was sweet since he actually took the time to message me before he started playing whatever. We talked for a little then he went to play whatever and i went home and got ready for my anime club that my friends go to. A new approach i'm trying tho is when Ty and i first started talking, and last summer. His nickname was either ichigo(BLEACH) or sasuke/gaara (naruto) and i was Rukia (BLEACH, and my fave manga chara). So i've been trying to bring back the whole Rukia and Ichigo thing since we also watched BLEACH in anime club and i think they go together. All my friends (who don't know i like Ty) kept asking if there was a real life Ichigo for me since i was Rukia. I say yes but i cover it up with you don't know him (which they do but i don't tell them that ;P) So ya, i thought about him a lot last night but i didn't get another chance to talk to him.
And everyone is surprised that Ty is wearing and anklet (yes it is how we call Ankle Bracelts in the States) but i mean i know a lot of guys that wear some type of jewelry whether its a necklace (and im not talking beads and sparkly things ladies i'm saying like ykno shells or sharks teeth or really simple stone beads or somethin) or an anklet (the freaks do the whole earring thing but thank god i don't have a friend with an earring), our guys here aren't gay or anything they just wear that. So ya, and everyone is making it sound like i was wondering if i should wear my anklets again, well i am and i was kinda originally planning to so yup. Like i said nothing exciting yet.
Waiting for the world to change once again,
Hikari
Ok once again title has nothing to do with anything and yes i am a French citizen so.... i'm half french. Vive la France! :D whatever.
Ok i'm sorry everyone i didn't have time to post yesterday so i'll just post what happened yesterday since nothing has actually happened today. Yesterday i was mostly out running arrends so i didn't have time to talk but when i logged into IM on my phone Ty had messaged me first (a rare sight) from his XBOX (a first). I thought that was sweet since he actually took the time to message me before he started playing whatever. We talked for a little then he went to play whatever and i went home and got ready for my anime club that my friends go to. A new approach i'm trying tho is when Ty and i first started talking, and last summer. His nickname was either ichigo(BLEACH) or sasuke/gaara (naruto) and i was Rukia (BLEACH, and my fave manga chara). So i've been trying to bring back the whole Rukia and Ichigo thing since we also watched BLEACH in anime club and i think they go together. All my friends (who don't know i like Ty) kept asking if there was a real life Ichigo for me since i was Rukia. I say yes but i cover it up with you don't know him (which they do but i don't tell them that ;P) So ya, i thought about him a lot last night but i didn't get another chance to talk to him.
And everyone is surprised that Ty is wearing and anklet (yes it is how we call Ankle Bracelts in the States) but i mean i know a lot of guys that wear some type of jewelry whether its a necklace (and im not talking beads and sparkly things ladies i'm saying like ykno shells or sharks teeth or really simple stone beads or somethin) or an anklet (the freaks do the whole earring thing but thank god i don't have a friend with an earring), our guys here aren't gay or anything they just wear that. So ya, and everyone is making it sound like i was wondering if i should wear my anklets again, well i am and i was kinda originally planning to so yup. Like i said nothing exciting yet.
Waiting for the world to change once again,
Hikari
Monday, May 26, 2008
A day off to do nothin, just photoshop and work on my webbie...... OK FINE! AND DREAM ABOUT HIM!
Ok so ya i know i haven't posted in what....3? 4? 4 days? Ya ok anyway, really nothin much has happened with Ty, since he doesn't have his phone i can't talk to him much, but i did get a chance to talk to him yesterday night (late late late). I'm not gonna post the entire conversation (kinda long but not with words) but i will explain the fine points. I'm really starting to think he might like me. Plus i have me and my crazy exaggerations that i WANT to believe but totally doubt they're true. But first to the conv.:
(after lots of dots and smilies and ???s)
Hikari: I'm sorry, am i just a nuisence
Ty: No ^-^
Hikari: Oh thanx. I was starting to wonder if i just annoy the hell outta ya
Ty: lol
Hikari: .......
Ty: ???
Hikari: Nothin ^-^ (<-- GRAH!!! Why do i always do this!?!?!?! [remember how he first told me he liked me: Ty:..... Me: ??? Ty:..... Me: What? Ty:....... nothin Me: JUST TELL ME ALREADY! Ty:......... Me: Fine! NITE! Ty: NO WAIT! Me: what!? Ty:...... i have a c**** on you...........] so as you can see im trying to do a spin off to see if he notices but i can never continue after nothin, too nervous)
Ty: K ^-^
(made him laugh a few times telling him about france)
Hikari: Did you get anywhere with your story
Ty: no
Hikari: ...... (here we go again)
Ty: ???
Hikari: ... hm. nothin really
Ty: REALLY??? (<-- kya now he's curious O.O)
Hikari:....um....ya
Ty: ........ (<--- kya kya kya!!!)
Hikari: uh.... sorry..... GRAH TO MANY DOTS (<--- used to say this when he did it to me)
Ty: lol
Then i never got to say gnite cause he logged off of his XBOX (which i rarely IM him on but i did last night)
So ya our very um... small talking big dottie conversation. I think the "..." are definetly a pause that should be taken into consideration since that's what he always did when he was nervous. So i really don't know. He's on right now but "Away" so i can't message him but maybe if he gets back. Now for my crazy thoughts :):
Ok so last May my dad and i were at a local art market when i saw a stand with some jewelry (i rarely wear jewelry but my mom's a jewelry designer so she sometimes forces me into her stuff) but they had some woven anklets outside with different colored beads. Each color had a meaning, and blue was for romance. Even though they were just some cheap anklets that probably really didn't have any effect (a.k.a plastic beads and such) i still bought them because at the time i was crushing over this guy who was my neighbor (got over him quick). So i wore it, never took it off unless my mom was fixing it and around the time i first wore it was the around the same time Ty and i became really close friends. Then in January it came off during Phys. Ed. class and i never got it fixed. Now im starting to think winter was kinda the time Ty and I kinda grew more apart. So now i got brand new blue beads and i made my own and i just put it on yesterday but now im wondering if it might help bring back something this summer. I know i might be overexaggerating but i realized during the last week of school, Ty has an anklet as well (not blue and woven like mine a little bit more masculine, black of course, but it looked like he'd worn it for a while). Did he do it cause i had mine all last summer??? I know i know im overexaggerating but you never know!!! So yup. I really hope the new anklet will help this summer, if so i am NEVER taking it off!!!
Needs to calm down and come up with shorter posts,
Hikari
(after lots of dots and smilies and ???s)
Hikari: I'm sorry, am i just a nuisence
Ty: No ^-^
Hikari: Oh thanx. I was starting to wonder if i just annoy the hell outta ya
Ty: lol
Hikari: .......
Ty: ???
Hikari: Nothin ^-^ (<-- GRAH!!! Why do i always do this!?!?!?! [remember how he first told me he liked me: Ty:..... Me: ??? Ty:..... Me: What? Ty:....... nothin Me: JUST TELL ME ALREADY! Ty:......... Me: Fine! NITE! Ty: NO WAIT! Me: what!? Ty:...... i have a c**** on you...........] so as you can see im trying to do a spin off to see if he notices but i can never continue after nothin, too nervous)
Ty: K ^-^
(made him laugh a few times telling him about france)
Hikari: Did you get anywhere with your story
Ty: no
Hikari: ...... (here we go again)
Ty: ???
Hikari: ... hm. nothin really
Ty: REALLY??? (<-- kya now he's curious O.O)
Hikari:....um....ya
Ty: ........ (<--- kya kya kya!!!)
Hikari: uh.... sorry..... GRAH TO MANY DOTS (<--- used to say this when he did it to me)
Ty: lol
Then i never got to say gnite cause he logged off of his XBOX (which i rarely IM him on but i did last night)
So ya our very um... small talking big dottie conversation. I think the "..." are definetly a pause that should be taken into consideration since that's what he always did when he was nervous. So i really don't know. He's on right now but "Away" so i can't message him but maybe if he gets back. Now for my crazy thoughts :):
Ok so last May my dad and i were at a local art market when i saw a stand with some jewelry (i rarely wear jewelry but my mom's a jewelry designer so she sometimes forces me into her stuff) but they had some woven anklets outside with different colored beads. Each color had a meaning, and blue was for romance. Even though they were just some cheap anklets that probably really didn't have any effect (a.k.a plastic beads and such) i still bought them because at the time i was crushing over this guy who was my neighbor (got over him quick). So i wore it, never took it off unless my mom was fixing it and around the time i first wore it was the around the same time Ty and i became really close friends. Then in January it came off during Phys. Ed. class and i never got it fixed. Now im starting to think winter was kinda the time Ty and I kinda grew more apart. So now i got brand new blue beads and i made my own and i just put it on yesterday but now im wondering if it might help bring back something this summer. I know i might be overexaggerating but i realized during the last week of school, Ty has an anklet as well (not blue and woven like mine a little bit more masculine, black of course, but it looked like he'd worn it for a while). Did he do it cause i had mine all last summer??? I know i know im overexaggerating but you never know!!! So yup. I really hope the new anklet will help this summer, if so i am NEVER taking it off!!!
Needs to calm down and come up with shorter posts,
Hikari
Friday, May 23, 2008
Summer has come! What will happen now.... Too early to tell -.-
Well first of all i'm so sorry everyone that i didn't post last night like i said i was. My couch made me so furious if i even touched my computer last night i would probably throw it against the wall. But now it seems that what happened yesterday has no meaning. FOR TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL AND THE BEGINNING OF MY SUMMER OF (maybe) LOVE OR MISERY (let's hope not misery).
We pretty much did not do much today during school, which made it feel like a couple days so i am still having a little trouble remembering everything it was such a busy day. I had found a baseball on our school field as i walked to school and i kept it. Throughout the day i asked everyone to sign it, including Ty. Although when we got our yearbooks i didn't have the courage to ask him to sign it, we kinda were only meeting up once in a while in the three hours of book signing in a crowd of a couple hundred people. Then the fiasco moved outside where everyone in the school met up (im talking 2000 people) so it was really hard to find anyone. Then when school was out i met up and waited for Ty, his friend Hun, Craz, and my our other friend (girl) to walk home. But because there was lots of rain and wind Craz flipped out and started to run home. She's a really fast runner so most of us all quit after 50 seconds.
But since the rest of us left Ty, Hun, Kisu-chan, and me had all gone to the same primary school together (which is by all of our houses) we all decided to say hello to our old teachers. So we walked over there but we had heard a rumor that our teacher went to get something and would be back soon. So we waited in her room as we looked through each others yearbooks and talked about people in school. Hun and Ty talked a lot about how cool Craz is (i'm the only one who knows about her lies and her attitude issues, i'm not going to tell anyone, i'll let her bring it down on herself) and i just shrugged. They talked about how hot she used to be but now that she was dating their best friend they didn't care much for her.
Then Ty was looking through the yearbook for hot girls infront of me frequently stating "she's hot". Do you think he was just trying to make me jealous? He would say it right infront of me. And plus even if someone is hot it doesn't mean you like them. Right? Plus, when i asked to make a comment about at least one girl he thought was cute he named one, but i didn't know her and took him a while to come up with her. And then Hun also made a comment about me being jealous when i mumbled "She isn't THAT cute" So maybe he doesn't really like these girls who knows.
I got super nervous because as well, he touched my hand on accident while we flipped the pages and it was that whole freak out things like in the movies. I scooted away and he mumbleds sorry under his breath (i was soooo red), plus instead of walking the quicker way home he took the longer way with me and kisu-chan? What do you guys think of all this? Am i just overexagerrating? I need to go clean my room and i barely slept last night so need to go and sleep so i can stay up later tomoro (if only these extra innings will end). I hope i'll be able to come up with the guts to ask him to hang out,
Hikari
P.S. And i found out he broke his phone so the only way I CAN talk to him for the moment is IM and he's not online much so im kinda also bummed out :(
We pretty much did not do much today during school, which made it feel like a couple days so i am still having a little trouble remembering everything it was such a busy day. I had found a baseball on our school field as i walked to school and i kept it. Throughout the day i asked everyone to sign it, including Ty. Although when we got our yearbooks i didn't have the courage to ask him to sign it, we kinda were only meeting up once in a while in the three hours of book signing in a crowd of a couple hundred people. Then the fiasco moved outside where everyone in the school met up (im talking 2000 people) so it was really hard to find anyone. Then when school was out i met up and waited for Ty, his friend Hun, Craz, and my our other friend (girl) to walk home. But because there was lots of rain and wind Craz flipped out and started to run home. She's a really fast runner so most of us all quit after 50 seconds.
But since the rest of us left Ty, Hun, Kisu-chan, and me had all gone to the same primary school together (which is by all of our houses) we all decided to say hello to our old teachers. So we walked over there but we had heard a rumor that our teacher went to get something and would be back soon. So we waited in her room as we looked through each others yearbooks and talked about people in school. Hun and Ty talked a lot about how cool Craz is (i'm the only one who knows about her lies and her attitude issues, i'm not going to tell anyone, i'll let her bring it down on herself) and i just shrugged. They talked about how hot she used to be but now that she was dating their best friend they didn't care much for her.
Then Ty was looking through the yearbook for hot girls infront of me frequently stating "she's hot". Do you think he was just trying to make me jealous? He would say it right infront of me. And plus even if someone is hot it doesn't mean you like them. Right? Plus, when i asked to make a comment about at least one girl he thought was cute he named one, but i didn't know her and took him a while to come up with her. And then Hun also made a comment about me being jealous when i mumbled "She isn't THAT cute" So maybe he doesn't really like these girls who knows.
I got super nervous because as well, he touched my hand on accident while we flipped the pages and it was that whole freak out things like in the movies. I scooted away and he mumbleds sorry under his breath (i was soooo red), plus instead of walking the quicker way home he took the longer way with me and kisu-chan? What do you guys think of all this? Am i just overexagerrating? I need to go clean my room and i barely slept last night so need to go and sleep so i can stay up later tomoro (if only these extra innings will end). I hope i'll be able to come up with the guts to ask him to hang out,
Hikari
P.S. And i found out he broke his phone so the only way I CAN talk to him for the moment is IM and he's not online much so im kinda also bummed out :(
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
The Wind is picking up
Ok its just windy outside and it has nothing to do with this post so just ignore it.
So today Ty came back to school looking pretty healthy so i was alright. 2 days left of doing nothing at school and i really don't think we'll be doin anything much so maybe i'll have time to talk more with him. i tried to talk with him more in Phys Ed. but he was on the opposite team of me because his friend was on that team. It was a bummer because i wanted him to be on my team because his team had 8 peeps and ours.... 5. So ya we got our butts beat. i was the only person who scored a run. And then i so desperatly wanted to walk with him home from school so as soon as the beel rang i ran down to where we always meet, him right behind me. But when i turned around he wasn't there. i went outside and he didn't start walking either but all his friends had. I was really confused. i waited for a little and he didn't come out so i had to walk home by myself looking back frequently to see if he was coming. Nada. He might have stayed after for art to finish the porject or something but i still miss him and he still hasn't come online. I have to go to a practice right now and otherwise i've just been playing with Yuki, my cat. Hope i'll at least be able to talk to him tonight.
See ya everyone!
P.S. And today M******* came in late and sat on Ty's table and put her leg out right infront of him. Thank god he payed no attention but i think she's trying to look attractive even though she was wearing some uneven pigtails, the most gaudy necklaces ever and look like an overall dork. I have a 99% guess he doesn't like her but i think she wants him. Hope she's in a different pod next year. Hope he forgets her or else she'll be in for the beating of a life time -.-
P.S.S. I made a comment on my last post about the military thing and here is our conversation from last night about him being sick:
Hikari: where the hell have u been?
Ty: its called sick puking and a temp of 102
Hikari: o my gosh i am soooooo sorry. its probably my fault im soooo sorry
Ty: how??? (<--- see triple ?s)
Hikari: *after erasing a million Ws* uh i was sick. not with that just a short head cold. (sorry my cat was sitting on the keyboard)
Hikari: i ditched most of yesterday cause of it but its already gone
Ty: no it was my family they're all sick
Hikari: o i c
Hikari: well that sucks. hopefully it'll be gone before summer vacation
Ty: it already is suprisingly only 2 days
Hikari: i know. im pretty excited. so sick of school.... maybe thats why everyone is sick. Its school.
Hikari: anyway i really hope you feel better. that's a crapshoot
Ty: lol thanks
So today Ty came back to school looking pretty healthy so i was alright. 2 days left of doing nothing at school and i really don't think we'll be doin anything much so maybe i'll have time to talk more with him. i tried to talk with him more in Phys Ed. but he was on the opposite team of me because his friend was on that team. It was a bummer because i wanted him to be on my team because his team had 8 peeps and ours.... 5. So ya we got our butts beat. i was the only person who scored a run. And then i so desperatly wanted to walk with him home from school so as soon as the beel rang i ran down to where we always meet, him right behind me. But when i turned around he wasn't there. i went outside and he didn't start walking either but all his friends had. I was really confused. i waited for a little and he didn't come out so i had to walk home by myself looking back frequently to see if he was coming. Nada. He might have stayed after for art to finish the porject or something but i still miss him and he still hasn't come online. I have to go to a practice right now and otherwise i've just been playing with Yuki, my cat. Hope i'll at least be able to talk to him tonight.
See ya everyone!
P.S. And today M******* came in late and sat on Ty's table and put her leg out right infront of him. Thank god he payed no attention but i think she's trying to look attractive even though she was wearing some uneven pigtails, the most gaudy necklaces ever and look like an overall dork. I have a 99% guess he doesn't like her but i think she wants him. Hope she's in a different pod next year. Hope he forgets her or else she'll be in for the beating of a life time -.-
P.S.S. I made a comment on my last post about the military thing and here is our conversation from last night about him being sick:
Hikari: where the hell have u been?
Ty: its called sick puking and a temp of 102
Hikari: o my gosh i am soooooo sorry. its probably my fault im soooo sorry
Ty: how??? (<--- see triple ?s)
Hikari: *after erasing a million Ws* uh i was sick. not with that just a short head cold. (sorry my cat was sitting on the keyboard)
Hikari: i ditched most of yesterday cause of it but its already gone
Ty: no it was my family they're all sick
Hikari: o i c
Hikari: well that sucks. hopefully it'll be gone before summer vacation
Ty: it already is suprisingly only 2 days
Hikari: i know. im pretty excited. so sick of school.... maybe thats why everyone is sick. Its school.
Hikari: anyway i really hope you feel better. that's a crapshoot
Ty: lol thanks
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
SchoolSick
Hey everyone! Hikari's back and i have gotten the world solved! No not quite. Anyway i logged on a couple minutes ago and haleluyah there he was. So i pinged him really quick with a simple comment trying to sound like i didnt care: "Where the hell have you been?". Turns out he has had the flu. Big bummer. i went through the whole im sorry that must suck, etc. etc. Anyway now i know what's going im relieved. But we only have 3 days left and i hope he's better by then. Everyday without him at school is soo.... awkward. And quiet. I'll try to stay happy and hope he gets better. But i have had it with school and i think im a little over anxious for school to end. I tried to make him feel better by telling him i thought he got sick of school because it's gotten so boring. he didn't really say much, i guess i need to come up with something else to talk about before he logs off again *sobs*. For now i can just wait for school to end and hope for the better.
Hikari
P.S. Another issue that worries me a bit. Even though we still have a couple years before we can choose what to do with our lives, Ty is already asking people what to do after HS. Now i already know what i want to do but i also have more proof than most people and i know the people at the college i'd like to attend. But the problem is, since Ty doesn't have much in the means of interests he keeps asking people if he should join the military. And i know its not my choice and i am a too critical of a person but i still think that's not a good choice. I never like military related things, but of course im a girl. So i dont know its not my choice and i can't tell him anything rude or he might hate me but what would you do if the guy you liked asked you if he wanted to join the military???
Hikari
P.S. Another issue that worries me a bit. Even though we still have a couple years before we can choose what to do with our lives, Ty is already asking people what to do after HS. Now i already know what i want to do but i also have more proof than most people and i know the people at the college i'd like to attend. But the problem is, since Ty doesn't have much in the means of interests he keeps asking people if he should join the military. And i know its not my choice and i am a too critical of a person but i still think that's not a good choice. I never like military related things, but of course im a girl. So i dont know its not my choice and i can't tell him anything rude or he might hate me but what would you do if the guy you liked asked you if he wanted to join the military???
Monday, May 19, 2008
Flippin' (i really shouldn't though)
Ok so y'know how its spring and all this pollen and crap is flyin around right? Well everyone is getting allergy colds (thats what i call em, they're head colds but caused by all the crap not a virus). So anyway i have been home all weekend with that. Anyway today i was home from school for a few hours between my exam at the beginning of the day and the end and i had noticed that Ty wasn't at school. What i found wierd was that all weekend he was never on his Xbox (which he ALWAYS is) and he never answered any of my texts. I said hey, he's probably home sick (always very rare for him) and playing today i might as well check. But when i checked my messenger he wasn't on. Which he has nothing else to do when he stays home all day so where the hell could he be??? im flippin now cause i have heard nor seen him for 3 days and i have no idea if something happened. its probably alright tho. he's probably gonna come back tomoro and be fine so i guess right now i just need to be more patient...
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Hi everyone!
Hey it's me Hikari. This is just a branch off of the forum i was on discussing this issue. If you are from the forum (which most likely you are) then i will keep posting there. Please tell me if i should even keep this but i just felt like i was cluttering the forum. Am I?
Anyway here is the issue and i really encourage commenting but please sign after each comment so i know what your screenname is (you can use the screenname from the forum too that would be a lot easier), by the way this is copied from the original post:
Please help me! I know i sound a bit annoying with being so desperate but reading everyone elses love posts makes me realize how much i need all of you.
Ok here's the story (sorry if i ramble):
I had been in this guy's (his name is Ty) class for three years after i had transferred in from an International School. I never noticed him and he never noticed me and i wasn't worried about it. Then in the last year we were in that school, i ended up sitting next to him. We began to know each other and before i knew it we hung out all the time. Then summer vacation came and it was the big one between the two school switches (from primary to secondary, last summer). So then we texted all night, he turned me into a nocturnal person (he's nocturnal) so we would stay up all night texting and IMing and during the day he'd always come over and hang out at the pool since his friend lived down the street from me. Then one night we were texting and i kept rambling on and on and then said i was going to bed then he said wait. I asked why and he texted: "I just wanted to say um..." Me: "Um what?" Him: "....." Me: "TELL ME ALREADY!" Him: "I JUST WANTED TO SAY I HAVE A C**** ON YOU!!!" At first i didnt get what he said but then when i saw what the 4 stars were, i was shocked. I had never wanted it to turn out this way, i just wanted to be friends. I cried myself to sleep that night. But as the summer went by his (he only did this in texts) *red*s turned to *hug*s and then to *kiss*s. And i really started to like him! He always a joy to talk to and i always was checking my phone to see if he texted. It was the best summer i had ever had.
When we started up in the next school to my surprise we were in the same pod (the school is split into 4 pods) and i had plenty of classes with him. We sat together at lunch with all his other friends and i became friends with a bunch of guys, but no one knew i liked Ty, not even Ty. So one night i told him. He asked me so bad if i wanted to be his girlfriend. Let me all let you know, I have never had a boyfriend. No one actually like me and me like them back! I freaked out. Now i would love to go out with him but i cowarded. I said no (idiot idiot idiot idiot). I used a sorry excuse of: "I dont want any rumors but i still like you alot" and it was over. He did ask quite a bit later but we never did.Our relationship weakened more and more throughout the year but that just made me like him more and more. I'm at the point now where im just seriously madly INLOVE! yes LOVE! there is 17 days (now a week) till summer vacation now. I've gotten to talk to him a lot more but its wierd. I want to ask him if he still likes me and i want to say i do too but i cant get the guts. And im hoping that i will spend more time with him with the summer but i dont even know if he still likes me. He seems to like me a little bit and i try to show no blushing but sometimes i just turn solid red, and he keeps talking about how hot the girls in school are and he keeps hanging around with this girl who i only have one class with, and i dont know if they're going out, if they like each other, or if he's just trying to make me jealous. (i know that he always tried to make me jealous with this girl he made up named Andrea and he's starting to talk about her again [she is fake i know for sure] but i dont know if its for me...) (edit: i later found out they're just kinda friends but he doesnt really like her attitude much) .
So im so sorry for rambling but here is my final questions i want you to help me with:
Do you think he likes me?
What should i do to try to make this summer even better than the last?
Should i tell him how i feel or wait for him, do you think he will ever tell me?
Am i too over dramatic? (jk)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME OUT >.< !!!!!
Anyway here is the issue and i really encourage commenting but please sign after each comment so i know what your screenname is (you can use the screenname from the forum too that would be a lot easier), by the way this is copied from the original post:
Please help me! I know i sound a bit annoying with being so desperate but reading everyone elses love posts makes me realize how much i need all of you.
Ok here's the story (sorry if i ramble):
I had been in this guy's (his name is Ty) class for three years after i had transferred in from an International School. I never noticed him and he never noticed me and i wasn't worried about it. Then in the last year we were in that school, i ended up sitting next to him. We began to know each other and before i knew it we hung out all the time. Then summer vacation came and it was the big one between the two school switches (from primary to secondary, last summer). So then we texted all night, he turned me into a nocturnal person (he's nocturnal) so we would stay up all night texting and IMing and during the day he'd always come over and hang out at the pool since his friend lived down the street from me. Then one night we were texting and i kept rambling on and on and then said i was going to bed then he said wait. I asked why and he texted: "I just wanted to say um..." Me: "Um what?" Him: "....." Me: "TELL ME ALREADY!" Him: "I JUST WANTED TO SAY I HAVE A C**** ON YOU!!!" At first i didnt get what he said but then when i saw what the 4 stars were, i was shocked. I had never wanted it to turn out this way, i just wanted to be friends. I cried myself to sleep that night. But as the summer went by his (he only did this in texts) *red*s turned to *hug*s and then to *kiss*s. And i really started to like him! He always a joy to talk to and i always was checking my phone to see if he texted. It was the best summer i had ever had.
When we started up in the next school to my surprise we were in the same pod (the school is split into 4 pods) and i had plenty of classes with him. We sat together at lunch with all his other friends and i became friends with a bunch of guys, but no one knew i liked Ty, not even Ty. So one night i told him. He asked me so bad if i wanted to be his girlfriend. Let me all let you know, I have never had a boyfriend. No one actually like me and me like them back! I freaked out. Now i would love to go out with him but i cowarded. I said no (idiot idiot idiot idiot). I used a sorry excuse of: "I dont want any rumors but i still like you alot" and it was over. He did ask quite a bit later but we never did.Our relationship weakened more and more throughout the year but that just made me like him more and more. I'm at the point now where im just seriously madly INLOVE! yes LOVE! there is 17 days (now a week) till summer vacation now. I've gotten to talk to him a lot more but its wierd. I want to ask him if he still likes me and i want to say i do too but i cant get the guts. And im hoping that i will spend more time with him with the summer but i dont even know if he still likes me. He seems to like me a little bit and i try to show no blushing but sometimes i just turn solid red, and he keeps talking about how hot the girls in school are and he keeps hanging around with this girl who i only have one class with, and i dont know if they're going out, if they like each other, or if he's just trying to make me jealous. (i know that he always tried to make me jealous with this girl he made up named Andrea and he's starting to talk about her again [she is fake i know for sure] but i dont know if its for me...) (edit: i later found out they're just kinda friends but he doesnt really like her attitude much) .
So im so sorry for rambling but here is my final questions i want you to help me with:
Do you think he likes me?
What should i do to try to make this summer even better than the last?
Should i tell him how i feel or wait for him, do you think he will ever tell me?
Am i too over dramatic? (jk)
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME OUT >.< !!!!!
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