Who thought this road could have such a battlefield in the middle of it? And of course I can't get past to the City of Love until this great battle is over. I guess life is never easy is it.
Whelp i should've seen this coming but i guess for once i didn't. I know i haven't written in a while but now i do have something to write on. A battle. And i bet you can guess with who. Yup, Craz. Basically, all our friends really want us to stop hating each other and they said that we don't have to be friends but we just can't hate each other anymore. And of course I'm not going to get any closer to being with Ty unless I overcome Craz. So i must fight until I can continue and get near Ty again. Both Craz and I know we are going to have to figure this out I just hope that she realizes this is a battlefield of just the two of us. No army and no friends. I don't know what i'm going to do if she brings someone like Ty into it but for now i won't focus on that. But i wished we could settle this peacefully and easily from the start but after plenty of times of trying to do that, that is no longer possible. It won't be good but at least we'll try to keep this civil.... I hope. Here are some examples of me trying to settle this peacefully:
1st Fight
Time: April-ish
Communication: Direct, IM
On: Her attitude
I was still friends with her but she didn't like me being friends with others so she always lied about me saying mean things to her and telling people i hated her when infact I still sat with her and talked to her all the time and didn't even remotely hate her. I confronted her by sucking up and that pretty much got me nowhere. After that was when i found out she lied about everything and that she had been telling bad stuff about me behind MY back. (i know! the dreaded soap opera i hoped i'd never run into when i switched over to hanging out with guys two years ago. GUESS NOT!)
2nd Time
Time: Early summer
Communication: IM
On: Lying, Attitude, Friends, Care
Probably the biggest fight we have had, this one was over instant messenger and lasted probably around 4-5 hours! This was about her lying, self-obsession, gossiping, and overall personality issues. The funny part is that first she started out like it was my fault then went on about excuses then went to that i was an idiot and then she had a problem and she told me it was my responsibility as a "friend" to solve other people's problem (in this case her's ) then to the conclusion that all her unhappiness is all my fault and i'm the worst person and im the person that got her all screwed up and im just jealous and that I just try to ruin her life for fun (which i definetly am not and don't!). So as you can see she pretty much did a circle arguement which i now because my dad does the same thing (starts out saying one thing then argues their way over to the opposite opinion by the end of an arguement and totally confusing you and telling you it's all your fault and you are stupid even though by the end you share the same opinion and just don't know it, yes i know VERY manipulative.)
1. My fault, I don't pay enough attention to her, I don't "worship" her
2. She accepts she has a problem but i'm the person that's supposed to help her because I'm her "best friend" and I need to fix all her personal problems
3. A big mini arguement about her lying, which she STILL denies even though i have full proof and she has been banned from deviantART for art theft more than 5 times! Imitation: "Oh no i drew this! These people just copied me!" ya right! it is so noticeable its art theft idiot!
4. Another big mini arguement on her hypocracy and how she always puts down people and is mean even though she does the same thing. She still does this an also won't admit it. She blames it on me and says im the hypocrite and everything, when im not cause i stick to my word. And also calling me negative when she was talking about how screwed her life is and she is so emo two hours earlier and i was the one trying to cheer her up then and then i hated her by the end of the arguement.
5. I caused all her unhappiness, I'm just jealous of her so i try to ruin her life and make her look bad
So ya after that arguement i blocked her cause she started calling REALLY bad names and using the F-word A LOT even though she yells at everyone for just saying sh*t but now she like cusses alllll theee timmmeee!
3rd Time
Time: Early September
Communication: Direct, infront of Ty
On: Lying, Her attitude, her manipulation, her rumors/gossip, taking my friends, controlling others, her "i'm god do whatever i tell you" outlook
Ok I don't think i talked to anyone about this except Cleo. Basically I was walking to school and I saw Ty and Craz walking together so i waited and started walking with them. Immedialty Craz says: "We don't you walking with us go find your own friends since you seem so pre-occupied with me". i shot back and we faught the whole way to school. Everything i told her she was doing to me and all the things about her lying and such, she would rebuttel and say that's what i did. Ty didn't come in between us and he turned his iPod up super high so he couldn't here us. But she acted as if Ty was her piece of property and still does and she kept saying i was the negative one who is self-concious and talking smack about her and is just jealous because she can draw better than me which 1) she cant 2) i could care less cause im not too big on drawing anymore, its not even a hobby. i just do it when i am bored so i don't care who's better anymore anyway! I was totally pissed that whole day. And this was also after i told Ty about her lying and he didn't believe me. I don't really know now if he still thinks im jealous of her (which for the final time i will make clear I AM NOT JEALOUS AND I HAVE NO REASON TO BE CAUSE I DON'T WANT OR NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN MY LIFE AND AM PERFECTLY HAPPY [except of course Ty but he doesn't have to do with Craz in that way]). So then i did an experiment a week ago where i completly ignored Ty and would see if he would ask why i was. He didn't ask the whole week but it was kinda funny cause when Craz saw i wasn't paying attention to Ty she didn't bother to talk to him much either. And she really is jealous of me i think because she's like questioning me and because ive done French for 8 years now she's trying to learn French and trying to speak it to people and get them to think she is part French along with British, Australian, Japanese, Scottish, and many many other nationalities even though she is morman from Utah who's last name i believe is either Irish or British. Wow she really is screwed up.
So now here i am and everyone is sick of us two keeping everyone out of line so i need to start this battle soon or this hell is going to continue. What i need from you guys is all this weekend im going to be working up strategies and things i need to avoid when getting into this hopefully final arguement that ends in a way we both agree with and it doesn't happen again. I'm asking only a few other friends and my wise mother but i have all weekend to brainstorm. I'll probably try to talk to her next week and try to settle this also since next week is a 4-day week. So how should i confront her? What do you suggest i: start out with, try to avoid, try to fix and how to do it peacefully? Stuff like that! Please everyone help and maybe even have others try to help, any advice is good advice!!!
And Cleo talked about how she wantes to change and how autumn is only a few days away it is the perfect time to change. I think if i can get through this battle successfully i can use that as my start to change. Change with Craz. Change with my friends. Change in myself. And Change with Ty.
please help so i can get to the road that lay beyond the battlefield,
Hikari
P.S. sorry if i sound needy or pathetic i just really need help especially from all you: Carrie, Cleo, and tokomi! I just want to settle this so i can get on with my life
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6 comments:
yaya hello you! ^^ promised to comment ... well, you sure have a great problem, but I know for sure what you mean. I also had a friend back in elemantary school called melanie. then we went together with our friend toni to the same school, there we got friends with lara. But after some time melanie wanted to be friends with lara only and so things continued. after years I was the first to say goodbye to those all, especially her because she was the only reason for us fighting. Then after some time, about a year or so, toni also left the group; and now melanie is nearly left alone because lara has nearly not one class with her together but she's got many together with me and toni; also the two of them fight very often.
you see what can happen! ^^ melanie nearly has the same caracter as your terrible craz, always wanting to be the center of attention and that stuff [I think I don't need to explain think you know it well ;)] Yeah, you did do nohing but decided to make the right step forward on your road. and of course you've got enough strengh to stand up against craz. And if she doesn't get it that this is just a battle between the two of you you maybe also have to involve some friends to make them tell her they should keep your other freinds out of this. making your freinds decide between the two of you (especially ty) would be the worst. I think you ca stand it. and of you need help, you scream as loud as you can for help, it will reach my ears here in germany and then I will fly over to you and will teach her a lesson of how to behave and the modern way of tang-soo-do! ^^ *grin*
keep me updated. hugging you. tokomi
Hey Hikari,
that's quite a problem you have. I didn't hope for you guys to have a battle. And I am also afraid that Ty will somehow get involved into this battle as well, be it because he wants to or.. Craz might gets him involved in this.
And I apologize beforehand, but I think I also need to critisize Ty a bit.
I don't understand why Ty sides with Craz. I mean, for example when you and Craz were fighting right in front of him. Of course it wasn't wrong that he kept out of your fight, but I think it was IRRESPONSIBLE to not say anything when Craz said "We don't you walking with us go find your own friends since you seem so pre-occupied with me" He could have said, that Craz is wrong. He could have said he doesn't mind you walking with him and that he is still your friend, right? He didn't need to agree with what Craz said, I know he didn't agree but just kept quiet, but to me it is the same as agreeing.
I thought you were one of his best friends and that you are also important to him. It's not like he has to be on your side, but I think he should treat you guys the same, at least! He is wrong if he stays just with Craz and doesn't mind if you avoid him for one week. I myself would have gone to you and asked what's wrong.
Also it is quite obvious, that you are some kind of Idol for Craz. I mean.. she wants to be like you, she doesn't want to admit it but she does quite the opposite. She says that you are jealous of her and that you make things up to "ruin" her and stuff like that. For short, she accuses you of things that you haven't done, and she actually describes herself.
She wants to somehow "ruin" your life and she talks bad about you, because she can't stand you, being better and more successful than her. Thats why she somehow wants to seperate you from your friends, so that she will be there's only Craz left.
She wants to do the same things like you and probably also wants to be friends with the same people. So when you didn't talk to Ty, she thoght that she doesn't need to too.
Also it is ridiculous, that you have to solve her problems, just because you are her friend (which you aren't that much anymore). Everyone needs to solve thier problems themselves, all friends can do is to help them solving them. And saying that you are hypocrite and lying and ruining her life and stuff is, just like I already said, the way she is.
I don't know if she isnores her character on purpose or if she just doesn't realize it, but she blames it on other people because she doesn't know what to do else, assaulting and accusing you is the only way to defend herself.
And btw, she shouldn't expect you to solve her problems after offending you that much.
You say, you want a peaceful battle. But Craz being like that, makes me wonder it that is even possible, since she denieseverything, this will be hard to solve. I think first you should avoid is things like "You're ruining my life" or some other hard accusations, that will just make her more uptight, and won't solve anything.
Rather you should aks her some questions. Like: "Why do you think that I ruin your life?" or "What have I done wrong?"
Or.. Gawd~ I don't know either. That's so difficult >_>
I hope I somehow were able to help.
Carrie
ok well its good you both understand my situation. And really i dont think Ty sided with her. He's kinda obsessed with her but now that i think about it i forgot to post what he thought about the situation over the past month.
Something's he said:
"I don't like being caught up in all the lies and i really just can't stand you two always fighting. So i really don't hate you"
(another time when i tried to walk with them but it didnt become an arguement[before other arguement going to school]) Craz: "We hate you can you not walk with us anymore?" Ty: "What? i dont hate her at all." (no comment from saya after we just tried to act friendly even though we werent liking each other at all)
THis was after trying to talk with him and he wasn't answering his phone so i was kinda mad and i said all i wanted to know was if he really hated me, he replied the next morning with this:)
Ty: "I'm really sorry i worried you, i kinda fell asleep before i got the message. I assure you i dont hate you. I'm really sorry for worrying you." and then the one i still dont understand what he means: "I can see why your worried". Does he know i like him or was he just refering to the Craz thing?
And a lot of other times when he still asks me how im doing and stuff. He really is trying to be nice to me and totally telling me what he thinks but for now he just REALLY wants me to stop fighting with Craz.
So i am really happy that he does worry me.... maybe i will talk to him today *blushing*
*totally lovestruck*,
Hikari
whoa lots a mistakes in that last comment. 1. Craz= saya just to let u know. And i meant that im happy that he sorry that he worries me (wow i didnt know he got passed all my lies about being totally fine and understanding that he's sorry it looks like he's obssessed with Craz just because she tells him to hate me even though he doesnt want to. so he still does sometimes what she tells him to but he really wont stand up for himself. But he's stubborn and i guess thats both good and bad. But of course im also stubborn ._.)
To be honest... I've never really found a peaceful solution to an argument!! I'm actually always running away or never get things far enough to get a in an argument!! Sounds weird doesn't it?
I'm sad at the moment because my greenie just went off as i was talking to him!! I don't know what I did wrong but he just said something like "shut up" and went offline!! I don't know whetherI should take this serious or not!! Because sometimes he doesn#t mean it seriously!!
Sorry that I now come along with my problem!!
Sorry
Cleo
wow, that Ty has this attitude is quite good! maybe it will help to solve this problem, though it might be a bigger one than mine because more or less we "ran away" from each other ... to be honest, I think craz will be the type of person who will draw everybody's attention onto your fight, if she feels too much attacked ... this might b the point where naive friends could be involved, be aware of this! It's a very big mistake I made in the poast, just wanted to add thi to my last post!
@cleo: talked about this already. you know you have my help if you need it. cheer up! ^^
tokomi, huggin you all
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