Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A nightmare come true

My life is over. Officially, absolutely over. OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My high schools years are done, finito~! I will never have a first kiss or even a boyfriend until I'm like 30!!!! MY WORST NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE! THE ABSOLUTE WORST!
Oh no it's fine, the apocolypse is said to happen at the beginning of my last year no worries..... UGH! WHY CAN'T THE WORLD END SOONER!
Alright I'll just get it out. Ty is not moving schools. He is not moving away, he just moved down the f*cking STREET!!! AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM TILL THE END OF HIGH SCHOOL! I STILL LOVE HIM DESPITE THE FACT WE HAVE GONE MORE THAN 7 MONTHS WITHOUT EVEN LOOKING AT EACH OTHER AND HE IS NOT THE SAME AS BEFORE AND HIS GIRLFRIEND IS MY BEST FRIEND (still)!!!!!!
Oh god I don't know what to do. I was as happy as ever to know he was moving. Because when he was gone I no longer had to think about him, or beat myself up for ruining EVERYTHING! I was going to Michigan after he moved across the state, I was going to forget all about him over the summer as I found a guy in Michigan who's like my cousin's friend or something and share that wonderful summer love (Narra: <- " I know what a fantasy, right. By the way I am back [narrator in the back of Hikari's mind]"), WITHOUT TY! But look who decided to stick around and ruin my life for the rest of my high school years. Just looking at him still haunts me. And i was just starting to think he was hot when i looked at him because he grew his hair out to the way it looked two summers ago. Oh god everyone, WHAT DO I DO!?!?!?!?!?! I'll never get a boyfriend, he is still going to hang around and I'll still have to think how I ruined everything and if I didn't we probably would still be happily and hopelessly inlove (if we ever were, I know I was) and how I can't have a boyfriend when I love Ty! (Narra: yes, she feels she has to turn down every guy because she still likes Ty. Ty doesn't even know she exists.)

I know I seem like I'm overreacting but this has been my worse nightmare forever and I am mortified, furious, and plain out feel-like-i-just-got-shot-in-the-head.
Going to drum to try to calm down,

Hikari

P.S. be happy and be online, for this means I'm going to be posting a lot again.