Short leave to Italia!

Well indeed yes I will be gone the next couple days to go on vacation in Italia, searching for delectable food, the true local side of Napoli, and of course, hot Italian guys ;P! So i will be keeping another blog going ( http://slice-o-bread.livejournal.com ) that you are welcome to comment on, I'll try to post everyday since I'm not bringing my computer for the first time ever and I need to use an internet cafe in or nearby the hotel. But a quick Ty update:

Well it's been kinda rough and I guess I was kind of an idiot about him breaking up with Favi for..... he broke up with her like a month ago.... around the time he started ignoring me. So now i feel like a bit of an idiot but I still remain caught in the labyrinth. I've been beating myself up all week, thinking if I should just give up because I kept being all negative and telling myself there was little hope. But thank god thank god thank god someone was there to help me out. I talked to Hun and just by a few simple words he switched my whole mood and thought around! I don't know how he does it but he has a gift even if he barely ever talks. So i hadn't talked to Hun much either but he is pretty much the only guy I actually feel totally safe around, just cause I don't know, he makes me not worry so much. So i told him that I was terribly sorry for ignoring everyone as well and if he still wanted me to. I do agree I was worrying too much about annoying them and annoying Ty. But he said that they really liked having me around and that they'd wish I'd come and walk with them again and not to worry. He just makes me soo happy <3! So now I'm able to smile with courage and I barely think badly about myself anymore ^^. I still worry about whether or not Ty likes me but I'm going to keep smiling and hopefully it'll become easier and easier to be around him. I was able to talk to him without thinking so much today. It felt good.
Well wish me luck in Italia please stay intouch!

Making her way graciously through that labyrinth,
Lovestruck Hikari

P.S. I'll be in Germany (munich the time in [16th] and Frankfurt [26th] on the way out). I won't see you guys but at least I'll feel close, ne? ^^

Knocking at my loudest

ok quick post. he hasn't recieved the message i think yet because i havent said hi and thus the previous message doesnt show up. But now after much contemplation im going to do it and make sure he knows. My heart is beating so fast >_<
PLEASE LET ME IN TY! Please....

With hope (and a slight head cold),
Hikari

P.S. He did seem worried about me yesterday and he gave me a starry gaze (at least maybe i viewed it wrong since im so inlove with him) today, kya! WISH ME LUCK!!!!!!

I've reached the doors at the city of love, it's his turn to decide to let me in. Yup I told him! :D

Yup. Indeed i told him. He hasn't found the message yet, but i told him how i feel. Totally direct, no hints or anything. I feel really good now, carefree and relieved that i got it over with it. And even though i'm scared for the response (and he is still going out with Favi which is also a problem that may get in the way) i'm not going to let it bother me. It'll be painful to take rejection but if i can send a note like the one i did then I can handle a rejection! *pride*
I sent the note
("Hey i know this is kinda sudden but i just wanted to say i still really like you. And i know we dont talk much anymore but i just wanted you to know since it's been on my mind since last summer. have a good night then (or whatever time of day it is) and maybe i'll see you around if you're still willing to talk to me.") late last night while he was offline so he will get it whenever he signs into MSN. I'm not going to hide, i will hear what he has to say. But last time i sent something while he was offline he didn't receive it for a week. So he may recieve it today, or he may recieve it a week from now, who knows. But as long as i don't worry myself so hard anymore I think i'll be safe from beating myself up inside. Plus my RPG forum supporters all told me to look up and that that there is a 4/5 chance he'll accept, i have my doubts on that but it still makes me happy to hear.

But a couple things aside since i actually can't really think of what else to say to such a great event:

1. If you haven't noticed i changed my avatar, the girl looks a lot like me my friends tell me and she is also my 2nd favorite manga character. The guy on the right is the main character of the manga who coincidently has black hair (like Ty) and is a popular pairing with my fave character there ^^

2. ok this is kinda lame but my friend did thise little test/thingy where they choose random things and even though its different answers everytime i actually ended up with being together with Ty in the end which really surprised me cause i didn't even choose the options on who i would be with and i didn't even know she knew i actually remotely thought about Ty. And we also coincidently ended up in Chicago which is both are favorite city and i have a high chance of going to because of college that is interested in me and vice versa. So it was kinda odd.

3. I have plenty of people i want to thank for helping me with everything:
- Everyone on the SB (karin, omni, Hollow, burned, seawolf, knight, and many many more)
-Vampire-zombie on dA (once again i hope you feel better too)
- And most of all, all of you that first helped me so many months ago, Cleo, Tokomi, and Carrie. THANK YOU ALL >o< !!!!!!

Oh my gosh, he just signed in *heart beating at a million miles a minute, seriously*
Knocking and knocking on the door,
Hikari

The more support the more he seems to slip away

Well i know it's been a while and i really do feel bad that i haven't written in so long. I've been feeling horrible, both because of Ty and school. Its kinda stressful but i guess it's kinda my fault he isn't talking to me. Its cause im such a coward and can barely look at him, and i realized why he stopped sending the *kiss* messages in march and everything. I went over some of his old blog entries ( a private blog on MSN) and i had critized him so much. I didn't mean to, but now it seems as if everyone thinks i am in love with my best friend, Travis, WHICH IM NOT. Ty and Craz still hang out and i think i'm the one holding the grudge now. Craz doesn't bother me anymore but it seems now i'm acting like her and it's horrible! Now im the one that can't tolerate her! This autumn change plan isn't starting out too good for me. I seem to be changing in the wrong ways, being even more scared of Ty, ignoring him thus he ignores me. I need to tell him, only a few more months and he'll be moving (i walked past his house the other day and there was a "For Sale" sign, i thought i was going to cry right on his driveway but i walked past as fast as i could). It's not good i really need help!

But it seems, plus to all of you guys i have a Role playing circle of friends that are helping me as well, and also a friend on deviantART who is going through a similiar situation (i want to deticate this to you and tell you i really send my regards vampire-zombie). So it seems even though i have many people rooting for me telling me I just need to go up and tell him directly and to have courage i'm letting all of you down which makes me feel horrible. I need to get to a point where i can forget all of that and just go up and be totally direct, but of course im nervous around him, i have a HUGE fear of rejection, and many others. Why do i always make everything so difficult!? I dont know what to do, if only he COULD read this.... Maybe he would understand how i felt even though i can't tell him.

I will not cry but i am now searching for courage as i struggle to keep up a steady pace on the road to love,
Hikari

P.S. By the way the anklet i had been fixing over the past two years broke once again but with all the bad things that have been happening i don't know if i should put it on again or not. Maybe all this luck and such is all hooey and useless. I'm totally unsure.