Ok well good and bad news i guess. I really don't need to explain what has happened the days before yesterday but long story short, i just seem to be one day happy with the way Ty treats me and then the next day im mad again. Well i guess mostly at Craz. For example yesterday, I come and sit down next to Ty and across from Craz at lunch. Immediatly Craz moves to the table next to us, Ty moves with her. GRAH ITS SO INFURIATING!?!!? And i don't know why he still believes her and does whatever she asks cause she's kinda treating him like crap. Problem is this all started cause i broke it to Ty on friday, that Craz lied. I'm not sure he believed me. He seems to hate me more now but he doesn't hate me, he just doesn't like to be in the middle of this and so far he's gonna side with Craz, of course im not happy about this. But to relieve everyone Favi did come back so now Ty does feel a lot better (Craz doesn't know Favi so she never was entered into the depression of the people who did).(i wrote this yesterday).
But then after that he messaged me and brought up the Craz topic. I always have known she hated herself, problem is she won't change it which is why i won't deal with her anymore. Ty just realizes this and wants me to help her to stop lying and i told him no. I told him that i have already tried and she just refuses so she's got fix it on her own. Ty still doesn't know what to do, he's still following her all over. But he said he was sorry for all the ignoring and i took that to be pretty sincere. *red* God he's hot.... OK TOTALLY RANDOM BACK ON TOPIC *turns off picture of him on cell phone*!
So now he said he wouldn't believe her as much and wait to see what happened with her. I really hope she can get herself together without involving Ty and everyone but the chances of that are slim. He said he might have to keep trying to ignore me even though he doesn't want to and will try his best but Craz will take advantage of him talking to me. She has already come up with plenty of rumors which sadly lots of people believe. I told Ty it wasn't true, i think some of he knows is a lie and others he believes sadly. How could he believe her more than me when he has known me WAY longer!? This makes no sense to me. But she said i call her a whore (definetly didn't i dont call anyone that!!!), im jealous of her (i have nothing to be jealous of, she has nothing especially nothing I need), and she even judged me and Ty. She was asking why we were even friends!? She said because we have "nothing in common". SO WHAT!? God i wanna punch her. So basically it ended with an agreement and a lie on my part.
Ty said the one thing he didn't understand about me was why i always critized him. Bullseye. At the beginning of the year i made a list of the things i wanted to change about myself and the amount of critizism i give was one of them. I haven't been too good at stopping that. Of course it is joking critizism and i would never MEAN it but i guess most people take it seriously and now i REALLY wanna cry (yay im PMSing! Wait thats a bad thing. but maybe it might help me cry?). And i think about it now and i dont like it when people do it to me cause i ALWAYS take it seriously. So why do i do it? And then when he asked the reason it was a moment where i though, what if i do it cause i like him? I think he might have gotten the idea and i almost blurted it out then i came up with i dont know but i was so close, you should have seen me i was flipping out. So i tried to minimize and try my best to stop but i already critized a few people and i did apologive (none of them were Ty, i wasn't able to talk to him again cause of Craz) but i feel really bad. But people also hate when i apologive cause i get a little OVER-apologetic. So im trying to minimize my sorries too. Please help me with this although i don't know how.
The lie was that i'd be tough. He asked what i felt about him ignoring him, i said i felt kinda hurt but that i could handle it and that i was tough enough. I'm not. I'm crying on the inside and i wanna punch Craz for fooling him with such lies. Please help me come up with a plan where i can get rid of her nasty lies once and for all. I need to figure out how i can do it sneeky and without people knowing but not ruining her. She can keep her friends i just want her to stop lying. I know this is helping her which is what i said i WOULDN'T do but does it count if i can benefit from it??? Well we'll have to see. Long comments are appreciated.
@Cleo, I FEEL SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! Please read my comment on your latest entry that'll explain my happiness for you.
@Tokomi: When are ya's gonna post something new? we're missing you *snifl*
Hugs to you all, remember looooong comments!
Tears of happiness and sadness onto that black pavement,
Hopeful Hikari
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Why?
OK i am on my rec center's (training facility) computer so i cant really post anything much so for now i have to ask. Why? I am in shock. Favi left. She didn't die but she's gone. A family matter this weekend happened and now her mom took her and left to go as far away as possible, like to another state. She's gone just like that. Everyone is shredded. She's never gonna come back. No one can even contact her. I wanna cry but im too tough. I was on the verge but i still can't cry about it. Everyone else did anyway, including Ty. I was mad cause he wouldnt even look at me today and then when i found out why i wanted to barf. I feel terrible. I still haven't talked to him today and i'd rather not bring her up. I'm gonna go swim and see if i feel better than i'll post the last couple days when i get home.
Wants to break down and cry on the road,
Hikari
Wants to break down and cry on the road,
Hikari
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Mixed Emotions in a bubbling pot but still I'm able to crack a smile if i need to
I'm kinda in a mix of emotions at the moment. I just got home from school and i'm miffed and angry, but also sad and want to cry, but then i feel just a little relieved and proud and happy, thanks to you guys. No Craz didn't do much wrong im mostly mad at Ty/Craz and sad at Ty at the same time but im also proud of myself for what i did. No i did not confess, but today i was happy that 1. school was over (i was walking to the door to go home) and 2. I didnt have lots of homework so i could work on this blog and go through my 600 photographs i have taken over the last 3 days (O_o a pain yes...).
So then Ty came out looking really happy and such so it made me happy, i was also with Hun. But soon after we started walking Ty stopped said he was going to wait for Craz. I just told him not to worry about her and she'd catch up anyway even though i didnt want her to. But no he still waited for her and i kept walking. I was happy cause at least Hun agreed with me and he walked with me. Hun never talks in person, he's too shy, that's why we always chat and ramble online so of course we just walked next to us and i just turned my iPod up really loud so i couldn't hear Craz's loud voice 6 meters behind us. She and Ty walked the same distance away for us and i never heard if they called for us but i am mad at him for choosing her over me although i was still kept some pride and said that i would not walk with her thus i gave him up just this once, i was not willing to lose.
He did seem more distant to me then ever and i did feel as if i may had taken an appearance of a stuck up person but im not afraid to show who i really am and so i just kept walking, not with my head high but at least some with some "pride" you could say, or confidence in myself. Ty is on right now but i won't talk to him, i'm tryin to think on what i could say that would show that i was hurt at what he did.
But you guys were the ones that lifted me up. Talking about everything on those comments did make me crack a smile and i still feel hurt but at least a little more controlled and peaceful. So thank you everyone, i think im gonna finish this new layout im making and also a picture i drew today in french of me kinda feeling the way i am now, clenching love as i view it. Hope you like it.
Oh and concerning Alana, i dont really mind her i realize she might be trying to hit on Ty but she is still dating Ty and i think she is just trying to act like him since he is the upperclassmen. I can tell she's trying to look cooler as an underclassmen by cussing and trying to fit in and i applaud her for her efforts but i think she'll get tired of him after long, plus her friends don't seem to care for us much. The great thing is that the fact i called Craz annoying and stuff didnt seem to bother or get around too many people since plenty of our shared friends know i wouldn't do something such as whatever she mentioned and only one person asked me about it, im pretty comfortable with it. She did not look at me today, nor talk to me, and kept her distance, and she didn't even sit at our table so her voice was a far way's away and Ty stayed and talked with us, which was wonderful. If only Ty hadnt been so stubborn and walked with us then she would haven't tried to catch up because i was there. But maybe another day, i gotta hint something. JUst a small something to show i really love him. I can't keep going on like this cause i am getting nowhere. I'm not falling away without him and im not getting closer, im kinda just sitting. So please help me out with that but although i am having mixed emotions i still feel thankful in a wierd way.
Side story: By the way im not sure if i ever mentioned this but Hun used to like me back when Ty used to like me (only hun and Ty's other friend knew about him liking me) and it wasn't as much as Ty and he didnt want to go out with me but he did tell me he thought i was cute and really nice and to not tell Ty, which i didnt. I found this sweet and i was a little flattered but it was never really mentioned again. I don't think he likes me anymore although he does call me hot sometimes but i dont really mind, i hear it sometimes. But just because we share similiar interests (and i have always been as nice as possible to HUn and the same back because of the way he acts because of the death of his dad a few years before anyone knew him so i have always felt bad) and can talk about Ty because we usually have the same outlook on him (not that we like him just when Ty would say something stupid or not make any sense or go on a tantrun [hun is about or more laid back as i am and im really laid back] or something). So i don't like hun and probably never will but he is definetly someone that can read my face and probably never say a word about it, i can trust him and i also would like to say thanks hun ^^.
Looking ahead on the road of love, will my feet remain firmly planted or will they give in and run down across the black concrete?
Hikari
So then Ty came out looking really happy and such so it made me happy, i was also with Hun. But soon after we started walking Ty stopped said he was going to wait for Craz. I just told him not to worry about her and she'd catch up anyway even though i didnt want her to. But no he still waited for her and i kept walking. I was happy cause at least Hun agreed with me and he walked with me. Hun never talks in person, he's too shy, that's why we always chat and ramble online so of course we just walked next to us and i just turned my iPod up really loud so i couldn't hear Craz's loud voice 6 meters behind us. She and Ty walked the same distance away for us and i never heard if they called for us but i am mad at him for choosing her over me although i was still kept some pride and said that i would not walk with her thus i gave him up just this once, i was not willing to lose.
He did seem more distant to me then ever and i did feel as if i may had taken an appearance of a stuck up person but im not afraid to show who i really am and so i just kept walking, not with my head high but at least some with some "pride" you could say, or confidence in myself. Ty is on right now but i won't talk to him, i'm tryin to think on what i could say that would show that i was hurt at what he did.
But you guys were the ones that lifted me up. Talking about everything on those comments did make me crack a smile and i still feel hurt but at least a little more controlled and peaceful. So thank you everyone, i think im gonna finish this new layout im making and also a picture i drew today in french of me kinda feeling the way i am now, clenching love as i view it. Hope you like it.
Oh and concerning Alana, i dont really mind her i realize she might be trying to hit on Ty but she is still dating Ty and i think she is just trying to act like him since he is the upperclassmen. I can tell she's trying to look cooler as an underclassmen by cussing and trying to fit in and i applaud her for her efforts but i think she'll get tired of him after long, plus her friends don't seem to care for us much. The great thing is that the fact i called Craz annoying and stuff didnt seem to bother or get around too many people since plenty of our shared friends know i wouldn't do something such as whatever she mentioned and only one person asked me about it, im pretty comfortable with it. She did not look at me today, nor talk to me, and kept her distance, and she didn't even sit at our table so her voice was a far way's away and Ty stayed and talked with us, which was wonderful. If only Ty hadnt been so stubborn and walked with us then she would haven't tried to catch up because i was there. But maybe another day, i gotta hint something. JUst a small something to show i really love him. I can't keep going on like this cause i am getting nowhere. I'm not falling away without him and im not getting closer, im kinda just sitting. So please help me out with that but although i am having mixed emotions i still feel thankful in a wierd way.
Side story: By the way im not sure if i ever mentioned this but Hun used to like me back when Ty used to like me (only hun and Ty's other friend knew about him liking me) and it wasn't as much as Ty and he didnt want to go out with me but he did tell me he thought i was cute and really nice and to not tell Ty, which i didnt. I found this sweet and i was a little flattered but it was never really mentioned again. I don't think he likes me anymore although he does call me hot sometimes but i dont really mind, i hear it sometimes. But just because we share similiar interests (and i have always been as nice as possible to HUn and the same back because of the way he acts because of the death of his dad a few years before anyone knew him so i have always felt bad) and can talk about Ty because we usually have the same outlook on him (not that we like him just when Ty would say something stupid or not make any sense or go on a tantrun [hun is about or more laid back as i am and im really laid back] or something). So i don't like hun and probably never will but he is definetly someone that can read my face and probably never say a word about it, i can trust him and i also would like to say thanks hun ^^.
Looking ahead on the road of love, will my feet remain firmly planted or will they give in and run down across the black concrete?
Hikari
Monday, August 18, 2008
Uber long post of 4 days!!!
Ok i have been promising this till friday and haven't gotten around to it because of several things so let me finally get it done, this will go by days, i cant say much about "Ty action" and i will be talking about him and i know how much you hate Craz but she will also be mentioned so let'sa begin!
Friday: Ok so i had been sick or out of school for some reason all week except Tuesday so i had come back on friday. It was actually quite cold that day and i had french so i went early so i didnt walk with Ty (probably wouldnt have gotten to his house early enough anyway, he leaves really early and im just slow). When we got to lunch THANK GOD Craz was talking with her other friends (who do happen to be some of mine but i have lots so they arent my BIG priority) but a new girl was at our table.
A new person in the school that had gone to our primary school (she was younger than us by a year or two) and she was talking a lot with her friend and Ty. I was totally confused! Why was he talking to underclassmen!? Who was she?! What about Favi (in a different pod if i havent mentioned)!? I finally asked who she was and he explained her name was Alana. Ok.... that's it!? He just kept talking to her and i eavesdropped on the conversation but she is totally not the kind of person Ty would hang out with. Her hair was uber curly and bleached blonde, and she was like a total ditz and all she would talk about were how much she hated her parents. He friend didnt say much but had a similiar dye job but worse and her hair was something straight out of the eighties, both were wearing quite a bit of make-up. I just stared in amazement, who were these girls!?!?! (they are not pretty so dont think im saying this just the more girls the more competition.... *shiver* i dont like that word, makes Ty sound like a trophey or something... WHICH HE IS NOT! He is so much better than that! And im the only person that will ever love him more than like, god i sound so insane O_o)
Then one of my REALLY good friends Travis came to sit next to her and i pointed at him and asked "you know her too!?" And he kinda just paused and said "What do you mean we're going out." Now let me note both shock and relief washed over me. At least she wasn't going out with Ty or anything and good for my friend for actually getting a girlfriend even though it was a sucky underclassmen and i had been rooting for another girl that liked Travis and wanted to go out with him (obviously that NEVER happened, i feel really bad for her, she really liked him), but now the blog isnt about Travis.
But i later learned that this Alana girl was really the ex of Hefflini (an "ex" friend of Ty's that i used to sit with at lunch at the beginning of the summer and somehow was now suposeddly hated by Ty even though they were REALLY close for years and i am still afraid to ask what happened since Hefflini is one of the nicest guys i know) occasionally talked about and i kinda remembered her. The shocker: She dumped Hefflini because she liked Ty (about ready to kick her a$$ both cause she liked Ty and its just mean to dump Hefflini, he's too nice). So now im contemplating because instead of sitting with Travis her "current boyfriend" she's sitting and talking with Ty. I'm heavily annoyed by this and wish she go back to her life and stop worrying about Ty and i was joking around about if he liked her that he was a two-timer on Favi and he said "Of course not, im 'going out' with Favi" (still undetermined, they've only been on one day). I'm still keeping an eye on this Alana girl but i think i should be alright, BUT I WILL NOT LET MY GUARD DOWN!
So last period is when it started. The rain! OH GOD THE BEAUTIFUL RAIN (it rarely rains where we are which is why rain is good). Ok so it really had started at 3 that morning and it had been raining all morning but it was time to walk home. THank god my mom let me walk home cause Craz had to stay after school and i got to walk home with just Ty!.... and my friend Kisu-chan and Favi. They were both going to Ty's house because after only 5 min in the rain everyones hair was drenched and there was water up to our knees (not literally but our clothes were soaked because we have to cross a ravine and when it rains its like a river so we have walk through about a foot of water and so our jeans were drenched) but i couldnt come since my mom was home. I enjoyed the rain a lot, i always do and i walked home, soaking and cold, and it was nice. I kinda talked to him a little later but nothing big. But god that rain was just excellent.
Saturday:
This was a fun day, i had woken up at a beautiful noon o' clock and was definetly well rested, not that i had done anything the past week since i mostly spent it at home. Still raining (this has got to be a record!? Two days in a row NON-STOP! WOOT!) my mom called me and told me the clouds were looking good. I'm in a photography contest and am nearing the last couple days of the contest so i had been trying to take as many pictures as possible so i just through on some jeans and went out to take pictures a few miles away from home. I txted Ty a little and talked about how nice it was then i convinced my mom to go up to the mountains, urging that i only had a few days left and the mountains may give me hundreds of more pictures. I did make it up there and we spent hours all over the mountains taking pictures. I loved it it was so much fun! Its a while to get into the mountains and back and so i didnt make it back till 10 but it was worth it. Now i have lots of choices to choose for this contest.
Sunday: Really nothing happened today, spent my WHOLE day on homework, didnt talk to Ty much except when he asked me about our homework.
Monday: Yay second week of school! Not yay -.- I walked to school late once again so i couldnt walk with Ty and i was preoccupied when i got to school and waiting for the bell ring but Ty did seem like he wanted to talk to me. We got moved apart in the only class we have together and he's about 3 rows down from me but i can see him in the corner of my eye. I hate my health teacher and always will, she's perky and annoying and immature and never shuts up, and she moved Ty and me apart. *bukets of tears* So then at lunch today AL-A-NA was again sitting with Ty and talking and i was sad i couldnt engage but this time Craz was getting on my nerves. She kept bugging me on why i won't unblock her on our IM and kept wanting to ask why i hate her so much (GEE I WONDER!? You lie, your hypocritical, you cant stop talking about yourself, and you make me look like an idiot, oh yeah like im gonna unblock YOU!). Then i finally got annoyed and as we were all trying to get to our next class i called her annoying and walked away because i knew she wanted to argue with me and i didnt so instead she THROWS HER FULL WATER BOTTLE AT MY BACK! TWICE! It only hit me once and it did hurt but i didnt even flinch and didnt look back and just kept walking. God she pissed me off.
So then i had to walk home with her and once again bugging me about the same thing and talking about herself to Ty and Hun. Then i stepped on a dead snake and was totally grossed out. I was actually kinda glad i did this because Craz being the Harry Potter nut she is thinks she's derived from snakes and is always wearing all this Slytherin junk and thinks she is so noble and was devistated i stepped on the 'holy' snake (lol!!!). I just kept walking as i didnt care and wanted to get away from the dead animal as quick as possible. Ty and hun just waited for her as she mourned over the stupid animal and finally caught up, Craz going on about herself. I can't believe people don't get sick of her. So i talked to Ty after school (and now). Nothing much to say just really annoyed at myself for always apologizing too much not only to Ty but everyone. I think im gonna talk again since i have been using the excuse of "I'm doing my homework" just so i can write this. So i better get back and try to bring myself more into his life.
I also put up my message as "Make yourself useful and join Jazz Band" which is our after-school rock/jazz band that i play drums in. Ty's older sister played in it and i would have thought he would have joined because 1. i was in it 2. he looks up to his sister and they both play guitar, but he doesnt seem interested. Plenty of people are pushing me to keep bugging him about it because of the fact that we ARE infact running low on guitarists and need some more, he just doesn't like playing something that's not his choice so i'll ask again and see what he says.
And i posted a comment on Cleo's most recent entry on how even though she and Tokomi are moving on (right?) i actually think this is really the beginning. We may have only known each other a little bit but we have accomplished quite a bit and but i think maybe this whole thing is really like an introduction of a book. Maybe most of the story is still to come, we'll have to see what is gonna happen to all of us. But do you promise to keep blogging? PLEASE SAY YES! Here's to our blogging revolution all started by one forum post!
You are gonna keep bloggin right???
Hikari
P.S. im still working on the new layout so just hold on a little bit longer.
P.S.S. TADA THE UBER LONG POST IS FINISHED! Now you may comment and make it as long as you want.
P.S.S.S (how many am i gonna do!?) And it's hard now to talk on ICQ because of my school hours, i cant talk in the morning and by the time i get home you're already all sleeping so i guess i will only be able to talk on weekends, sorry!
P.S.S.S.S(so... many.... 's's) Carrie when are you coming back? i misses you sooooooooo much!
Friday: Ok so i had been sick or out of school for some reason all week except Tuesday so i had come back on friday. It was actually quite cold that day and i had french so i went early so i didnt walk with Ty (probably wouldnt have gotten to his house early enough anyway, he leaves really early and im just slow). When we got to lunch THANK GOD Craz was talking with her other friends (who do happen to be some of mine but i have lots so they arent my BIG priority) but a new girl was at our table.
A new person in the school that had gone to our primary school (she was younger than us by a year or two) and she was talking a lot with her friend and Ty. I was totally confused! Why was he talking to underclassmen!? Who was she?! What about Favi (in a different pod if i havent mentioned)!? I finally asked who she was and he explained her name was Alana. Ok.... that's it!? He just kept talking to her and i eavesdropped on the conversation but she is totally not the kind of person Ty would hang out with. Her hair was uber curly and bleached blonde, and she was like a total ditz and all she would talk about were how much she hated her parents. He friend didnt say much but had a similiar dye job but worse and her hair was something straight out of the eighties, both were wearing quite a bit of make-up. I just stared in amazement, who were these girls!?!?! (they are not pretty so dont think im saying this just the more girls the more competition.... *shiver* i dont like that word, makes Ty sound like a trophey or something... WHICH HE IS NOT! He is so much better than that! And im the only person that will ever love him more than like, god i sound so insane O_o)
Then one of my REALLY good friends Travis came to sit next to her and i pointed at him and asked "you know her too!?" And he kinda just paused and said "What do you mean we're going out." Now let me note both shock and relief washed over me. At least she wasn't going out with Ty or anything and good for my friend for actually getting a girlfriend even though it was a sucky underclassmen and i had been rooting for another girl that liked Travis and wanted to go out with him (obviously that NEVER happened, i feel really bad for her, she really liked him), but now the blog isnt about Travis.
But i later learned that this Alana girl was really the ex of Hefflini (an "ex" friend of Ty's that i used to sit with at lunch at the beginning of the summer and somehow was now suposeddly hated by Ty even though they were REALLY close for years and i am still afraid to ask what happened since Hefflini is one of the nicest guys i know) occasionally talked about and i kinda remembered her. The shocker: She dumped Hefflini because she liked Ty (about ready to kick her a$$ both cause she liked Ty and its just mean to dump Hefflini, he's too nice). So now im contemplating because instead of sitting with Travis her "current boyfriend" she's sitting and talking with Ty. I'm heavily annoyed by this and wish she go back to her life and stop worrying about Ty and i was joking around about if he liked her that he was a two-timer on Favi and he said "Of course not, im 'going out' with Favi" (still undetermined, they've only been on one day). I'm still keeping an eye on this Alana girl but i think i should be alright, BUT I WILL NOT LET MY GUARD DOWN!
So last period is when it started. The rain! OH GOD THE BEAUTIFUL RAIN (it rarely rains where we are which is why rain is good). Ok so it really had started at 3 that morning and it had been raining all morning but it was time to walk home. THank god my mom let me walk home cause Craz had to stay after school and i got to walk home with just Ty!.... and my friend Kisu-chan and Favi. They were both going to Ty's house because after only 5 min in the rain everyones hair was drenched and there was water up to our knees (not literally but our clothes were soaked because we have to cross a ravine and when it rains its like a river so we have walk through about a foot of water and so our jeans were drenched) but i couldnt come since my mom was home. I enjoyed the rain a lot, i always do and i walked home, soaking and cold, and it was nice. I kinda talked to him a little later but nothing big. But god that rain was just excellent.
Saturday:
This was a fun day, i had woken up at a beautiful noon o' clock and was definetly well rested, not that i had done anything the past week since i mostly spent it at home. Still raining (this has got to be a record!? Two days in a row NON-STOP! WOOT!) my mom called me and told me the clouds were looking good. I'm in a photography contest and am nearing the last couple days of the contest so i had been trying to take as many pictures as possible so i just through on some jeans and went out to take pictures a few miles away from home. I txted Ty a little and talked about how nice it was then i convinced my mom to go up to the mountains, urging that i only had a few days left and the mountains may give me hundreds of more pictures. I did make it up there and we spent hours all over the mountains taking pictures. I loved it it was so much fun! Its a while to get into the mountains and back and so i didnt make it back till 10 but it was worth it. Now i have lots of choices to choose for this contest.
Sunday: Really nothing happened today, spent my WHOLE day on homework, didnt talk to Ty much except when he asked me about our homework.
Monday: Yay second week of school! Not yay -.- I walked to school late once again so i couldnt walk with Ty and i was preoccupied when i got to school and waiting for the bell ring but Ty did seem like he wanted to talk to me. We got moved apart in the only class we have together and he's about 3 rows down from me but i can see him in the corner of my eye. I hate my health teacher and always will, she's perky and annoying and immature and never shuts up, and she moved Ty and me apart. *bukets of tears* So then at lunch today AL-A-NA was again sitting with Ty and talking and i was sad i couldnt engage but this time Craz was getting on my nerves. She kept bugging me on why i won't unblock her on our IM and kept wanting to ask why i hate her so much (GEE I WONDER!? You lie, your hypocritical, you cant stop talking about yourself, and you make me look like an idiot, oh yeah like im gonna unblock YOU!). Then i finally got annoyed and as we were all trying to get to our next class i called her annoying and walked away because i knew she wanted to argue with me and i didnt so instead she THROWS HER FULL WATER BOTTLE AT MY BACK! TWICE! It only hit me once and it did hurt but i didnt even flinch and didnt look back and just kept walking. God she pissed me off.
So then i had to walk home with her and once again bugging me about the same thing and talking about herself to Ty and Hun. Then i stepped on a dead snake and was totally grossed out. I was actually kinda glad i did this because Craz being the Harry Potter nut she is thinks she's derived from snakes and is always wearing all this Slytherin junk and thinks she is so noble and was devistated i stepped on the 'holy' snake (lol!!!). I just kept walking as i didnt care and wanted to get away from the dead animal as quick as possible. Ty and hun just waited for her as she mourned over the stupid animal and finally caught up, Craz going on about herself. I can't believe people don't get sick of her. So i talked to Ty after school (and now). Nothing much to say just really annoyed at myself for always apologizing too much not only to Ty but everyone. I think im gonna talk again since i have been using the excuse of "I'm doing my homework" just so i can write this. So i better get back and try to bring myself more into his life.
I also put up my message as "Make yourself useful and join Jazz Band" which is our after-school rock/jazz band that i play drums in. Ty's older sister played in it and i would have thought he would have joined because 1. i was in it 2. he looks up to his sister and they both play guitar, but he doesnt seem interested. Plenty of people are pushing me to keep bugging him about it because of the fact that we ARE infact running low on guitarists and need some more, he just doesn't like playing something that's not his choice so i'll ask again and see what he says.
And i posted a comment on Cleo's most recent entry on how even though she and Tokomi are moving on (right?) i actually think this is really the beginning. We may have only known each other a little bit but we have accomplished quite a bit and but i think maybe this whole thing is really like an introduction of a book. Maybe most of the story is still to come, we'll have to see what is gonna happen to all of us. But do you promise to keep blogging? PLEASE SAY YES! Here's to our blogging revolution all started by one forum post!
You are gonna keep bloggin right???
Hikari
P.S. im still working on the new layout so just hold on a little bit longer.
P.S.S. TADA THE UBER LONG POST IS FINISHED! Now you may comment and make it as long as you want.
P.S.S.S (how many am i gonna do!?) And it's hard now to talk on ICQ because of my school hours, i cant talk in the morning and by the time i get home you're already all sleeping so i guess i will only be able to talk on weekends, sorry!
P.S.S.S.S(so... many.... 's's) Carrie when are you coming back? i misses you sooooooooo much!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
HELL NO I AM NOT GIVING UP AFTER THIS FAR!!! ^o^
Yosha i crossed a big dirt hole yesterday on the road of love. As most of you know, i went to the pool yesterday with Ty. Yup JUST Ty. Hun didnt show up and neither did Craz's ex so i had Ty ALL. TO. MYSELF! i would have thought i'd be nervous but actually i wasn't too bad yesterday and my blushing was actually at a minimium. YES!!! Although Ty was definetly different in a way. Almost always he is really talkative in person but we'd already started to be talkative online as well so talking to him wasn't hard. We were joking around a lot and had a 2-hour long "did you know/ would you rather..." rally. Although the wierd part was Ty couldn't make up his mind, no matter what he was talking about. He would say something then change his mind and then change his mind again. But what really makes me feel sooooooo good is that he kept saying that his heart was beating really fast and he felt a little light-headed. I was totally extatic about this cause i mean cmon, what guy says his heart's beating really fast directly without trying to make a point. I totally am starting to think he likes me (especially cause i was wearing a bikini then ^^). We joked around a lot (especially about the fact that he's a horrible swimmer and i am on a competitive team) and such and didnt even argue once *proudness* I'm sooooo happy!!! I THINK HE LIKES ME!!!! I THINK HE REALLLY REALLY REAALLY LIKES ME!!!!! *singing*
@tokomi: Ok well like i said before i really think you shouldnt let him go but only pay attention if he shows interest because really you have more important things to worry about and this is a time where only thinking mostly of yourself isnt selfish, you gotta reach a goal and not let someone else hold you back. In my opinion still like him but i do think there are tons of better guys that you will find. You will find someone who u are meant to be with soon have hope. In love and yourself. did that make any sense what so ever???
@Cleo: Just try all you can to make him confess, im tellin ya, FOR SURE HE LIKES YOU!!! TOTALLY SURE!!!!
Dancing down the road to love, is that the city in the distance or just a mirage?
Hikari
P.S. Extending the poll now for the school year, i really think he might like me ^^ *giddy giddy*
@tokomi: Ok well like i said before i really think you shouldnt let him go but only pay attention if he shows interest because really you have more important things to worry about and this is a time where only thinking mostly of yourself isnt selfish, you gotta reach a goal and not let someone else hold you back. In my opinion still like him but i do think there are tons of better guys that you will find. You will find someone who u are meant to be with soon have hope. In love and yourself. did that make any sense what so ever???
@Cleo: Just try all you can to make him confess, im tellin ya, FOR SURE HE LIKES YOU!!! TOTALLY SURE!!!!
Dancing down the road to love, is that the city in the distance or just a mirage?
Hikari
P.S. Extending the poll now for the school year, i really think he might like me ^^ *giddy giddy*
Friday, August 8, 2008
Trying to finish a boring summer with at least a moderatly happy note
Well summer has already drawn to and end here and school starts on Tuesday, sadly. Even though last summer was a month shorter i think it felt so much longer because of all the traveling and especially hanging out with Ty a lot. But this summer i only saw him twice, and i traveled no where and now it rushed by and its been longer than last. I find this quite depressing.
Another thing i find depressing is Ty says he is moving after this year, and at first i thought it was because he complained about our school being to "jock-y/ sporty" but now he states he is moving. period. im really trying to see the true reason and i know i shouldn't interfere but i doubt i'd be able to see him especially after this crappy of a summer. I have been able to talk with him a lot but i guess i've been to afraid to face him in person, which is too much of a coward act. I really need to buck up a bit because Ty isn't gonna like closed-up, lazy, nervous, me! NO SIREE BOB- SU!
I'm going to make the most of this school year and try to hang out with him for the rest of the 'real' summer and try to get him to like me again. The other night i yelled at him (he didn't mind, something had really frustrated me that day so i was in the mood to yell) and of course i mentioned something about him liking me which was a pretty bold move and im proud i was able to get it out that easily *pats self on back*. first he was kinda shocked and just simply answered no an moved on to a different topic, i think he might have been trying to cover something up since he started to joke around. That or im just really dense.
But today we're going to the pool together with him, hun, another friend, and me to celebrate the last few days. Both hun and ty seemed especially wanting me to go so i finally slipped it in (with the olympics im really focused and 'busy') so he seems kinda excited. for once im not too nervous because hun's gonna be there and hun always keeps me calm and collected, i guess he just keeps everythign together in his own way (he doesn't even talk much he just is kind of a reliever). And if i ever mentioned that one friend i was worried about being clingy and not being able to spend time with Ty, i mentioned her to him and he actually thinks she's awesome so everything works out, right???
WRONG! Craz is on or team. I dont know what classes i have with her and i dont know how she's going to behave because i have blocked her on almost everything but im not exactly wanting to find out. a few weeks ago she sent me a couple texts (the one thing i cant block her on) talking about how much she missed me and how [i]I[/i] was the one that changed and asked if i would talk to her again. Now if i replied i would have probably yelled at her that she's a nutcase or something (which she is) but i just deleted the message and didn't reply. Although i talked to ty and she doesn't seem to have talked with him much and neither her 'boyfriend' (Ty's best friend) since school let out and i think the reason she only texted me was because he possibly would have broken up with her. I'll ask her 'possible ex' tomoro since i think he's coming with us. but i really hope she doesn't try to buddy up when i get to school or im gonna kill her.
Dates Ty has been on since the first: 0
Times i will have seen Ty this summer: 3
Times i saw him last summer (est.): 16
on a scale from one to ten how dissapointed in myself am i?: 9.5
BUT I MUST STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG IF I SHALL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
Standing strong as the sun rises on the road to love,
Hikari
Another thing i find depressing is Ty says he is moving after this year, and at first i thought it was because he complained about our school being to "jock-y/ sporty" but now he states he is moving. period. im really trying to see the true reason and i know i shouldn't interfere but i doubt i'd be able to see him especially after this crappy of a summer. I have been able to talk with him a lot but i guess i've been to afraid to face him in person, which is too much of a coward act. I really need to buck up a bit because Ty isn't gonna like closed-up, lazy, nervous, me! NO SIREE BOB- SU!
I'm going to make the most of this school year and try to hang out with him for the rest of the 'real' summer and try to get him to like me again. The other night i yelled at him (he didn't mind, something had really frustrated me that day so i was in the mood to yell) and of course i mentioned something about him liking me which was a pretty bold move and im proud i was able to get it out that easily *pats self on back*. first he was kinda shocked and just simply answered no an moved on to a different topic, i think he might have been trying to cover something up since he started to joke around. That or im just really dense.
But today we're going to the pool together with him, hun, another friend, and me to celebrate the last few days. Both hun and ty seemed especially wanting me to go so i finally slipped it in (with the olympics im really focused and 'busy') so he seems kinda excited. for once im not too nervous because hun's gonna be there and hun always keeps me calm and collected, i guess he just keeps everythign together in his own way (he doesn't even talk much he just is kind of a reliever). And if i ever mentioned that one friend i was worried about being clingy and not being able to spend time with Ty, i mentioned her to him and he actually thinks she's awesome so everything works out, right???
WRONG! Craz is on or team. I dont know what classes i have with her and i dont know how she's going to behave because i have blocked her on almost everything but im not exactly wanting to find out. a few weeks ago she sent me a couple texts (the one thing i cant block her on) talking about how much she missed me and how [i]I[/i] was the one that changed and asked if i would talk to her again. Now if i replied i would have probably yelled at her that she's a nutcase or something (which she is) but i just deleted the message and didn't reply. Although i talked to ty and she doesn't seem to have talked with him much and neither her 'boyfriend' (Ty's best friend) since school let out and i think the reason she only texted me was because he possibly would have broken up with her. I'll ask her 'possible ex' tomoro since i think he's coming with us. but i really hope she doesn't try to buddy up when i get to school or im gonna kill her.
Dates Ty has been on since the first: 0
Times i will have seen Ty this summer: 3
Times i saw him last summer (est.): 16
on a scale from one to ten how dissapointed in myself am i?: 9.5
BUT I MUST STAY POSITIVE AND STRONG IF I SHALL GET THROUGH THIS!!!
Standing strong as the sun rises on the road to love,
Hikari
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